xo,
Sunni
Want to listen to this instead? Read or listen below…
One of the most challenging parts of my personal and spiritual journey over the past 15 years has been learning to allow things, instead of chase them.
When we chase things we are in lack, we are in scarcity, and we all KNOW this, but we can’t just snap ourselves out of it. It’s real to us. It’s real to the subconscious mind that is trying to keep us safe.
So just telling myself to relax and not chase things and allow things to come to me naturally instead, doesn’t work.
It doesn’t work because there is a program running in my system that says: if you do not chase, you do not get. You will not be safe. You will not be sufficient. You will not have enough or be enough. And that program has piles of collected evidence to support its belief.
That program running in my system says:
“if you relax, you die.
if you let go, you die.
if you trust, you die!
do not relax.
do not let go.
do not trust!
FIGHT.
FIGHT for your survival.
Take what you can get!
Be grateful you have anything at all.”
What we do when we are in that mindset is we chase, and we compromise ourselves and our needs and desires to get that thing or experience, whatever it is.
But here’s the thing, we chase and compromise because then we don’t have to feel what would come up for us when we do NOT do that.
And what comes up when you don’t chase or haggle? When you don’t compromise yourself to “take what you can get”? And you instead stand with yourself, but don’t immediately “win” as a result?
What do you have to FEEL then?
Usually it’s some combination of : vulnerable, needy, desperate, irresponsible, worthless, and insecure. You’d have to “not know” what is going to happen to you. You’d have to be there in that space with yourself feeling all that shit you don’t want to feel.
Whereas if I just “make it work” for others, instead of for me, I can avoid having to feel all that! I can avoid having to feel all that, and I can just feel stressed and resentful and disappointed instead. 😆😂🤣
And let’s face it, we’re more comfortable with feeling that. We’re way more comfortable feeling stressed and resentful and disappointed. Because stressed and resentful and disappointed are acceptable norms in our culture, and not “your fault”. They are not statements about your value as a human, they’re just complaints, so you can blame them on externals. They’re not about “you” per say.
But feelings of vulnerability, and neediness, and desperation, and irresponsibility and worthlessness, and insecurity all these feelings that come up when you DON’T try to please others before yourself… those things ARE perceived as “your fault”.
They are perceived as something bad and something wrong with who you are. Your fundamental being is called into question and it screams out at you:
YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH.
So to consciously CHOOSE to stay with yourself in that space, to stay with your ask, your desires and your intentions for yourself, instead of “making it work” in whatever way you can, is going to put you right up against those feelings that you have managed to avoid all these years by making it work for others instead of for you.
And quite frankly, it sucks! That space sucks. It hurts because it was born of hurt. But if you meet those feelings with LOVE instead of rejection, and you stay with yourself in that not knowing space, it will change your life.
I have been practicing this in one form or another in my business and life for over two decades and still feels like shit when I have to enter that space, but it is the space where MAGIC HAPPENS.
Why does magic happen in that space? Because when you choose to do that, what you are doing and saying in a very clear way is:
I AM ENOUGH.
You’re saying that to your inner most self with that ACTION. Even if you don’t feel that feeling, your action reflects your love for yourself, it reflects your trust in your own sufficiency, and then life begins to reflect that love and sufficiency back to you, in many different ways.
This has nothing to do with a dollar amount. Money does not and cannot affect your worth and value, though you have been taught since you were born to believe that it does. But it doesn’t solve that.
People use money to feel seen.
They use money to feel valuable
and they use money to feel validated.
But it doesn’t work.
If it did, there would be no unhappiness, addiction and suicides amongst the wealthy or famous and successful.
So it doesn’t matter if your ask is really low or really high in numbers. What matters is: do you think that number MEANS SOMETHING about your value??
Because when it doesn’t anymore, THAT is real freedom. That is the real freedom we are looking for. The freedom of knowing we’re enough.
To the point of not even questioning it! Like a flower or a tree doesn’t question it’s “worth”, it just is what it is for its own joy of being, and for all who enjoy it, exactly as it is.
It’s the ultimate freedom.
By standing with yourself whether someone says yes or no, no matter how much your ask is, you are stating to the universe that it does not mean anything about your value, and that you are sufficient HERE AND NOW EXACTLY AS YOU ARE.
And the universe will begin to reflect that natural and peaceful abundance that bubbles up from that well deep inside you.
So how do you not chase and allow? By being willing to meet those uncomfortable feelings that come up in that gap when you don’t chase. And by loving yourself through that.
By reminding yourself that there is nothing the world could give you that you do not contain within yourself, and can access and love into fullness right here, right now. And that INCLUDES and begins with loving the “unlovable” feelings and places within you.
As I have done that for myself, again and again, often the thing I thought I really needed or wanted to be safe, passed me by, but what was even better for me came in in another way.
All this to say what I always say…
STAY WITH YOURSELF.
Do I say that too much? 😂🤣 I know I say it all the time, but I do not think you can possibly hear it enough even if I said it to you everyday for the rest of your life! We are soooo trained NOT to stay with ourselves. We are SO trained to abandon ourselves and our own knowing at every turn.
So I am here to be your beacon of remembrance of that knowing. 😉 💕
So stay with yourself in whatever you need or feel you need to do. Love yourself through whatever is coming up and the reflections of that love will manifest on the other side of that commitment to yourself. I promise.
You’re doing amazing.
Keep going.
💗
Need some support? Here’s my current offerings:
👉 Read my new book Rich In Love: 10 Powerful Mindset Shifts To A More Abundant Life In Every Way, or LISTEN to the audiobook on Audible or Apple Books »
👉 Dive into my newest Deep Rest To Manifest 6-week email course for introverts »
👉 Join my full year-long deep dive Feast or Famine No More Course »
