I am sure all of you, especially those of you in America have heard the phrase “easy does it”, and it generally means slow down, breathe, and do it more gently… and it will click into place just fine.
How true that is.
Yet you live in a culture and society that has brainwashed you into believing that applying massive amounts of pressure, shame, guilt, hurriedness, stress, and threat of self-punishment and ruin as a motivator instead of simply applying your CALM and PRESENT FOCUS.
You actually know the power of this ease in your life already, you use it all the time, but when it comes to big things, things you have a lot of conflicting feelings around, it is much harder to do, and much easier to slip into the default pressure and stress.
But how you built it, is how it will be. In other words, if you build it with stress and pressure, it will be stress and pressure. If you built it with ease and peace, it will be ease and peace.
That does NOT mean that challenges and stress won’t come up! But it means that you have to be conscious of your RESPONSE to those things, and choose the experience you want to create with intention.
That sounds simple enough sure, but that is NOT the way you were raised! You were raised to believe the best you could ever do is to REACT and to deal with your reaction (ie. feel whatever feelings arise and get through it). But the buck stops there. You have not been taught that the power of your awareness of your reaction, includes the power to change it. And that changing it, changes your whole life.
So how do you change it? Well, my experience is you CAN’T change it until you examine your underlying beliefs that are CAUSING it. In my experience you cannot just will your way into that change, you have to undo the stories that are holding it up, or at the very least show your brain evidence of the opposite.
So for example, let’s say there’s a woman named Mable, and Mable has a pretty successful business, but every time she gets ahead a little bit, something breaks down or goes wrong, some ‘bad’ thing happens, and she has to deal with some whole other nightmare. Mabel’s story about this is that this is just the way life is, as soon as you get ahead, you get knocked on your ass and you get humbled, as soon as you think you can trust someone, they let you down, as soon as you make more, it all goes out the window.
She has accepted this as “the truth” about life, she expects it now, and when she sees people like Brenna, who also has a pretty successful business, but who seems to experience much more ease in her growth and life, she tells herself that Brenna is a fraud and hiding the reality of her experience AND at the same time, blames herself and feels that something must secretly be wrong with her because she can’t seem to do that too.
But here’s the thing, there is no real difference between Mable and Brenna accept their PERCEPTION of life and events.
Brenna also experiences breaks and things going wrong and challenges and extra expenses, it is just that Brenna does not believe the same things about those events as Mable does, and because of that she feels more ease, and because she feels more ease, she handles things with more ease, solutions appear to her sooner and with more ease, she recovers faster, she returns to herself sooner, because she is not locked into a painful story and thus recreating the experience of the pain. She is more available to take the learning from the situation and convert it into solutions without shame or a feeling that something or someone or life itself is out to get her, or punish her, or humble her, or teach her a lesson.
Mabel does not know that she is actually deeply uncomfortable being successful, and having more than enough, and being a leader instead of one who just serves others, she doesn’t realize that when things go wrong it puts her back with ‘her people’ and makes her feel like she is ‘one of us’ and ‘one of the good ones who doesn’t have it easy’ like those ‘others’. Mabel wants to be good, she wants to be a comfort to others, not a threat! And she realizes that when she is successful it is a threat to others, it makes them UNcomfortable, she knows how this feels because she’s done it too! When someone comes in the room and tells you how amazing their life is and you just feel small and feel bad, and Mabel doesn’t want anyone to feel small or bad, ever.
So Mabel keeps herself “small” and feeling bad, so they won’t feel alone. So she doesn’t abandon her people. She experiences challenges in her life and business as deep pain and like a slap on the wrist and reminder to stay small and to feel bad and have it hard so she can still relate, and fit in with her people, and feel like she’s “one of the good ones”. She believes struggle keeps her safe from punishment on some deep level.
Brenna has the same things happen to her as Mabel does, but she has examined her stories about that. She has freed herself of the guilt and shame that keeps her response in that patterning. She feels worthy of ease, because she’s undone the stories that told her she had to earn it by being or not being a certain way, she sees her responses to events and she questions them, once her emotional charge has been cleared she sees solutions she hadn’t previously seen right before her eyes, she trusts that it’s a hiccup and that all the resources she needs will be there for her, she is free to choose that ONLY because she has examined the opposing stories and seen they aren’t true. She loves and stays with herself even though others may see her in ways she doesn’t like, and she shows herself this on a regular basis by choosing what she needs. Brenna believes the challenges are simply an invitation to examine what she believes and to adjust that if necessary so she can restore herself to peace.
The only difference between them is the stories that they believe about themselves and life, and the attachment to those stories because they are unquestioned. The only difference is their perception. The only difference between these two women is the alchemization of shame into freedom, love, and joy. Both women are getting what they want and need, Mabel’s current need is to belong and to be loved and seen as good, and that need is stronger than her need for ease at the moment… but it can change at any time she’s ready or wants it to.
These women simply have different perspectives, and how we perceive something is what it becomes. This is a scientific principle!!! That when particles are observed it affects their behavior. The observer affects the observed. The lens we are looking through alters the REALITY we’re looking at.
So how do you slow down, move more gently, breathe and trust that all will click into place? By being more aware of all the pressure in your head that tells otherwise, by questioning it, or by simply watching it and not ACTING or REACTING on it as you would have in the past.
NOTHING in this world or life is just ‘the way it is’, EVERYTHING is shaped by the observer. Even the sky looks green to someone who is colorblind! Even death is just life to some. We do not experience the same reality, none of us, and it is meant to be that way, we each have our own version of it to explore and create in our way.
It’s what you’re here for!
Or at least that’s my version of reality anyway 😉 I am guessing if you’re here you share my passion for that on some level.
So if you’d like some help working with those underlying stories, and discovering your own clarity and direction… you know where to find me