xo,
Sunni
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What does power mean to you?
For the past year or two I’ve been asking myself this question in the background, and it has taken me on quite the journey.
I wasn’t totally aware that was the question I was asking myself, but it was. It’s only now that I see clearly that’s what I’ve been exploring more deeply all this time. So I thought I would share my current thoughts about this, and also ask you what power means to YOU?
Power is something that ALL humans are drawn to and magnetized-by, for no other reason than the simple fact that all human minds/egos are scared to death of their own impermanence, and the impermanence of life itself and all of its forms.
Power has thus long been associated with control, and being in control, to manage this base fear that we all carry.
We think we can use love, money, status, beauty, health, relationships, careers, fitness, diets, homes, clothes, cars and all manner of things to give us a modicum of control and make us safe from this looming impermanence, but we can’t.
We have no idea that that very impermanence we’re trying to rid ourselves of, is our freedom.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with ANY of those things or the passionate pursuit of ANY of those things – and obviously I would be the first to tell you that! They are part of the intended JOYS of life on earth as a human, and part of our very important evolution as humans. They are precious experiences, all of them, and they all belong here.
But they can’t take away this background hum of the coming loss and change we are always facing as humans. No matter how much love, money, status, beauty, health, relationships, careers, fitness, diets, homes, clothes, cars and all manner of things we have.
Most people abandon the pursuit of more in the name of acceptance when they realize this, or they abandon acceptance in the pursuit of something more. The trick is, we don’t abandon either. We learn to embrace BOTH.
Most “power” in this world attempts to project an image of invulnerability. Of being “on top of it”, of having it dialed and under control and all figured out and in line. And it’s got the structure and strategies and rules and regulations to keep this all safe in place.
Even though deep down we all know that even the best laid plans are often foiled by life’s inherent instability.
But that doesn’t stop people from projecting an image that they’ve got it all under control. And that is very, very attractive. Because it makes people feel more safe, and like somebody’s got it all figured out at least, because they certainly don’t, so they can put their confidence in those people instead.
For most of my life I have believed that power looked like FIRE. And WILL. And STRENGTH. And a kind of ultimate SELF-CONFIDENCE. I saw this in the old masculine structures, and also in the newly rising feminine.
I thought that THAT is the kind of energy that gets. shit. done. I thought that that was the kind of energy you need to master life, and money, and all the things.
But I couldn’t help but notice I didn’t have that kind of confidence. Not even remotely. I didn’t have that same fire. And when I did, when I had tried that fire on to feel more powerful, I felt like I was performing, instead of just being myself. In other words, it took a lot of energy.
Being yourself doesn’t take a lot of energy. Being someone else, or some image you’re supposed to be... DOES.
It is here that some may say: “well, that’s because you were not embodying real and true confidence in yourself, and if you did, you would feel and be that fire!”
And while I respect that viewpoint and opinion to whomever may believe that, I know that that is not my truth.
For some people that kind of fire may be the most natural thing in the world to them, they may feel most like themselves in that energy, because it’s their element perhaps, their very nature. But for me it feels like the opposite. For me, it feels exhausting.
Because MY energy is more like water. What feels more natural to me, is flow. And I have pushed against that fact for far too long, trying to be what I wasn’t.
My truth is that I DON’T have ultimate self-confidence.
Because I notice that that ‘self’, that that refers to—the PERSON and ego and its thoughts, opinions and judgements—are ephemeral and always-shifting. It is constantly flipping and flopping on what it thinks it wants and needs in order to be okay.
That self is frankly all over the map, and most of the time highly confused. And I recognize that. I recognize the impermanence and fleetingness of that self. That doesn’t mean I don’t HONOR that self FULLY, it just means I don’t let it guide me.
So I don’t have a lot of “self” confidence, in that regard.
But what I do have is a lot of spirit confidence. Soul confidence. ‘Life’ confidence. Confidence in the larger reality of me that lives at my center and does not move. Confidence in the part of me that knows before I know, and sees before I see, and IS the bigger picture.
That is what I have confidence in.
Because everything else is like castles built on sand, to me.
So my confidence is not in what I think or understand with my intellect, but what I FEEL, not with my emotions, but with my whole BEING.
It’s a totally different kind of power.
It’s the power of just being who I am, with unconditional trust in my direction. Even when I don’t understand it, and even when things aren’t how I think they should be. Even when I have a really hard time with that.
There is always that deeper trust in life, and who I really am. And THAT is the one I let guide me.
In our society we don’t consider that kind of trust power, we consider it weakness. How can you trust what you don’t completely know and can’t control? Which is why we all have trust issues with eachother as well, we attempt to control our partners, children, family and friends just as much.
But my question to that is: how can we not trust it? When clearly we don’t have a choice. Life didn’t require our trust to do what it’s done. To create our very existence! But what could it do if we did trust it?
My own life has been an ongoing experiment in that, and so far it’s been a beautiful ride—however painful many moments may have been—the depth of love and joy and magic has always been worth whatever waves it took to get there.
But the majority of people do not believe the power of love and trust could really be effective at creating a beautiful life. Well, not one with success or money, anyway.
Which is why people use force, fear and scarcity to sell or to become successful, because they are terrified that without it you cannot possibly thrive. And they believe that if you’re not willing to do it, you won’t thrive.
But it’s a lie. That’s just a lens we’ve been collectively looking through for ages. When we take that lens off, we stop living that lie, and we create a new way, here and now.
Nobody had to control, force, threaten or manipulate anyone for this earth and all her stunning beauty to be born. Nobody had to control, force, or manipulate wildflowers into blooming, snow into falling, or your lungs into taking their next breath.
Life’s intelligence did that.Love did that, creation itself.That’s the miracle.And you. are. THAT.
It’s not that control, force and manipulation doesn’t have its place in creation. It clearly does, because here it is! It’s just that we can, and ARE, in the process of becoming more conscious of such things, and of their effects.
And we can choose what we want to create next in that regard.
So power can, and will, look like fire. And it can also look like water, air, earth or anything in between. The question you should be asking yourself is, which one feels most like YOU?
Which one makes you feel like you are most effortlessly being yourself ?
You will be able to tell by how much energy it seems to take. When you are most in your nature, you don’t feel drained, when you are most trying to be some other nature, you do. Because it’s not physical labor, it’s energetic and emotional labor.
Right about here your mind might be piping up with: “but if I’m just being myself, and feeling most like myself and comfortable, then I won’t be pushing myself out of my comfort zone and I won’t get anywhere or do anything and nothing will change!!”
And to that I say, well yeah, if you believe you HAVE TO suffer to create change, you will create a lot of suffering creating change.
I personally have believed that most of my life. And I have recently discovered it is a belief that is no longer serving me. It may have at one time, but it’s not anymore.
MAYBE… it is the fact that we are telling ourselves that we have to suffer to create change that is KEEPING us from doing what we naturally want and are inspired to do. MAYBE… if we believed we could just be ourselves and feel supported while doing so, we would do more of those things more naturally.
Could that maybe also be the case??
Maybe telling ourselves we can’t be comfortable doing something new (“outside our comfort zone”) is what’s keeping us stuck doing something old! So maybe we can stop telling ourselves that story, and tell a new one.
Telling ourselves that we are allowed to have comfort WHILE and AS we are growing and reaching for new things, doesn’t mean we’re expecting to be permanently comfortable and never experience discomfort. It just means we become more OPEN to other possibilities, and other options. And less fixed on creating the same patterns we’ve learned to expect.
When we are living in our truest nature, and true power, we are not pushing others around and so we are not pushing OURSELVES around, and more comfort is a natural result of that.
That includes not pushing ourselves out of any feelings we might currently feel in any given moment. Sad, mad, disappointed, or any other uncomfortable feeling, we’re allowed to bring comfort there too.
So, what does power mean to you? When and how do you feel most powerful?
When I asked myself that last question recently, I was surprised by the answer. An image of myself, in or near a beautiful mountain lake came to mind, the wind in my hair, and the feeling of overwhelming aw inspiring gratitude for the beauty of life pouring through me. Tears in my eyes, looking at my loves on the shore, feeling the absolute preciousness of it all, and wanting nothing more than to somehow share this feeling with everyone everywhere, so they can feel it too. And to remove any obstacles to feeling that in this lifetime.
That is what true power feels like to me. It just shines from the depth of the center and overflows. I don’t know how else to describe it. I try to share that in a thousand different ways. I try to remove those obstacles in a thousand other ways. But the power does what it does.
It has its own way.
And I trust it.
I don’t control it.
But I trust it.
And that feels like peace to me.
My mind veers from that incredible simplicity CONSTANTLY. But I just keep returning. I think that’s the journey of human life. To veer and return. To get lost and to return. To create and destroy, to die and be re-born, a hundred thousand times within ONE lifetime.
It’s not the lake, the nature, or even my beloved loved ones that bring that feeling, precious as they are to me. How I know that is because on another day, all of those same precious things could be in front of me, and I’d still be locked into a grumpy or sorrowful place and wanting to get the hell out of there.
Because that fountain of love and wonder is within. That true power and freedom, is within. And that’s what I REALLY want to share with you, in all the things I share.
I so look forward to hearing how and when YOU feel most powerful, and what power feels like to you.
And as always, I invite you to join us in my Feast or Famine No More Course, if it calls to your heart, I’d love to have you »
