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What is the cure or the medicine for not feeling good enough in this world? What can I offer to this shared pain and sorrow that so many humans hold in their hearts?
I asked myself this this morning and here was the answer:
The cure and the medicine for that is love, of course. It’s love, plain and simple. Love is the only balancing element to a perceived lack of love. It is the only salve that will have any effect, and it must be applied DAILY.
HOWEVER… **BIG HOWEVER**…
Most people believe that they must love and encourage what is good in themselves, or make themselves BELIEVE they are good by saying loving positive messages about their goodness, which is beautiful and needed, and it’s a powerful practice BUT it’s not what makes the real shift. Not without applying the love where it’s REALLY needed more.
The love needs be applied to the “bad” places. To the shames. To the guilts. To the failures and perceived weaknesses. To the shortcomings. To the vulnerabilities. To the things you don’t want to see about yourself.
You need to love yourself in the places “they” have not loved you, for the THINGS “they” did not love you for, you need to love you in the places where “they” rejected you, where “they” gave you the silent treatment, where “they” did not see you, hear you, or understand you, you need to show yourself THOSE parts of you are also worthy of love.
It’s not “their” fault, nor is it yours. People love what they have the capacity to love. They cannot love in you what they have no tolerance for. And neither can you. So you have to expand your tolerance for loving in those places where love was once not allowed to go. You have to dare to let it in, before anyone in the whole world gives you permission to, and you have to just be willing to FIND OUT, the effect of that love.
We know how to love ourselves in the “good” places, we know we get love for those things, we know how to pat ourselves on the back for the good we are and do… the pain is where we refuse ourselves love, the “bad” places, the places where we were not perfect and did not get it perfect, or did not get it anywhere near perfect, and got it so very “wrong”.
We need to be able to feel our own grace and compassion in those places… for when we do, it begins to shore up a huge crack in the cup of love within you.
It begins to show you, that you get to be supported at all times in all ways, no matter what. And that begins to bring in a new safety, a new stability, a new ground of love that you walk upon and ARE and share through the very presence of your being.
“But HOW, how do I do that?!” You ask…
I don’t know the “right” or “best” way for each being, but here’s how I have done it, and still do it, every single day:
- Speak to yourself in a loving voice, speak to yourself like love would, cultivate that voice in your head, speak it out loud when you’re in private, write it to yourself, speak back to the voice of fear and worry and self-loathing with the voice of love. Invite it to your inner round table, if those other voices get to speak SO does love. They each get their turn at the table. Start to let yourself speak this language to yourself, out loud, or written down. Speak to yourself like The Az would, treat yourself like a precious being who is worthy of unconditional love, because you are.
- When the voices say “oh no, they don’t like me!” or “oh no, I’m all alone!” or “oh no, I’m not going to be okay!” say back… “that’s okay sweetheart, I know you’re scared. But everything’s gonna be okay.” Feel what your body does when you say that. Feel the reaction your body has to that language. Speak it regularly.
- Take small actions every day that show yourself love and compassion. It can be the tiniest things. Anything at all that feels like it’s something supportive to who you are. A bath. A cup of tea. A walk. A loving word. A listen to a favorite creator. A creative practice. Listening to music. Making a move in your business you’ve been wanting to. Getting some support for yourself. Getting a massage. Spending time with your animal friends. Anything that feels like love. Find where love lives in your life and GROW IT. 🌱 🌺
- Be willing to be honest with yourself about your “failures” and your “bad traits” your “bad behaviors” the things you don’t want people to see or know or think or feel about you, and actively send them love and understanding. Without blame for yourself OR others, but with curiosity and openness and understanding that all parts of you have simply done what they believed they needed to do to be okay. And as you love these parts more, those parts will begin to be able to relax and not need to be on guard so much. But the more you try to “get rid of them” the bigger they are going to get in your shadow. Face them. Face them with love. It’s okay to be afraid. Do it anyway. ❤️ 💕
If you pick and do even ONE of these things, I strongly suggest all four, but if you do even one, your life and everything in it will improve.
This is a gradual process, it is not a light switch you flip. It is an unlearning and a re-learning how to love yourself, and life. Be patient with yourself, give yourself the benefit of the doubt, let yourself be messy with it like finger painting. You don’t need to get this perfect either, it’s just something you WANT for you, and it wants you too. Let yourself have it.
Let yourself have it. It’s the gift only you can give you. Because life can stack a thousand presents at your door every day, but if you have lost your ability to open that door, you won’t find them.
But you’ll find them. 😉
You’ll always, always, find them.
Just as soon as you’re ready to. ❤️ 💕
Happy Holiday’s sweet pea’s,
xo,
Sunni
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