There is a reason you do not want to want things. There is a reason you constantly try to talk yourself out of your wanting and negotiate your wants down to the bare minimum.
There is a reason you only dare to hope for just enough to get by, and maybe a teeny tiny bit extra.
There is a reason you tell yourself you don’t really need all that. And you don’t really want all that, and that it won’t make you happy anyway.
There is a reason you tell yourself that money and “things” are all evil, and they corrupt people and ruin peoples lives anyway.
There is a reason you tell yourself that people who have what you want are just stressed out messes, or don’t have good relationships, or might get sick or have to deal with other hardships, or whatever it is you tell yourself.
And that reason is: that you believe that ‘wanting’ hurts.
That ‘wanting’ is bad, because it causes people hurt.
And you have a GOOD REASON for believing that. Because maybe you SAW and experienced how people you love wanted things, and didn’t get them, and hurt.
That was real. It was real for you, and you must honor it and give yourself space to grieve it.
Part of you believes that your wanting can only end the same way. So you do not dare to hope, for fear of disappointment. Not only to disappoint yourself, but disappoint the people you love and open up that wound all over again.
But another part of you believes it doesn’t have to end that same way. That you CAN have the things you are wanting in your life, that this one precious life is your opportunity to try, and that you really CAN create the life you want on your own terms.
Of course you think the wanting is bad when it seems to have caused people to hurt. But what you forgot to notice was that THE HURT WAS ALREADY THERE.
The wanting was BORN of that hurt.
The hurt was there first.
The wanting came to try to help. To try to say, “yes, you are right, this sucks… this way to freedom.”
But the walls of belief and low-self worth were too high, disappointments happened, and the towel was thrown in on big dreams. Settling happened, giving up happened. It was easier and it was less painful than trying and facing more failure. We ALL feel that hurt.
The truth is trying is painful.
It is painful sometimes, yes, but it is also one of the absolute greatest joys and freedoms in this life! It is your privilege in this life to try for what you’re wanting if you choose. And you get to make that decision for YOURSELF now, okay?
You can’t choose for anyone else, but you can choose for YOU.