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Airing The Flaws
I thought I’d just share with you some of the things that I am most afraid that people will judge me for and not like me for, if they found out. Or might even hate me for.
One of my mentors challenged me to share and “air” a few of these things this week and I made a funny video about one of the very TOP ones for me on IG (if you didn’t see it), but anyway, the reason why I do this is because I don’t want my fear running me around or making me hide or having to live in shame, and while I am pretty good about that in most areas there are still places that I do this, that feel really scary to share, and by sharing them I let myself know that no matter who judges me, dislikes me or leaves me for my truths I will still love me and be loved no matter what.
So in the spirit of freedom and the releasing of old shame, here goes:
- I am not a saint, I am not a selfless, wantless person who wants or thinks she needs to ‘save the world’ or that anyone needs my saving. I mean I’m fairly certain it’s obvious I am not a saint! 😂 🤣 especially to the people who know me! 😂 BUT, there is still puritanical conditioning in my head that tells me I’m supposed to be, and if I am not I am bad and should be ashamed and people will find out one way day and punish me. So let me just let that cat out of the bag right here and now, 😆 so I don’t have to put unnecessary pressure on myself – and so hopefully you don’t either. 🥰
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. - I have made LOTS of “mistakes” in my life – The Az call these missed-takes! (if you’re in the Az and haven’t got that card yet, you will! It’s so good, and not what you may be thinking from the name alone ❤️) All of those “mistakes” have turned into TREASURES and literal chests of gold in my life. That is obviously not because “that’s the way it is”, it’s just because that is what I choose to find and see, and because I choose that, I always find it (and create it). But just letting you know that I have been a messy human and a messy spirit and a messy soul and though that does feel excruciating to look at and feel sometimes, it’s also the WHOLE POINT of being in physical body and life. Adventures would not be adventures without plot twists! 😂 🤣
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. - I love money. ❤️ I love making it. I love spending it. I love giving it away. I love playing with it. I love circulating it. I love having fun with it. I love having a made up personal relationship with it in my own way. I love pushing the boundaries of what I thought I could have or was allowed to have and in what ways, I love experimenting with my consciousness about it, and I love looking at it in new and different ways. Money used to be a thing that was VERY PAINFUL for me and for all of the people around me growing up, very stressful and scarce, and so I have a burning passion to change that in the world, starting with me. As I have seen the miracles created in my life from the ways that I have allowed myself to be more creative, playful and curious about money… I have not been able to help sharing that with others in my own unique ways. I hope to be part of leaving a legacy of a new kind of peace with money that will ripple out forever into humanities future. But that starts with me letting money be fun and easy for me. But you’re not supposed to SAY THAT, you’re not supposed to admit you love money, you’re not supposed to talk about it, you’re supposed to keep it quiet and in the shame closet. Well, I’m not going to. (again if you want to see my video on this you can see it on Instagram from a few days ago) 😂
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. - I am very ambitious and a big dreamer! That doesn’t really fit my cottage fairy wizard in the woods vibe, but that’s me! 😂 I mean I guess it does, in that I am always making magic in here!!✨ 😂 My creative drive is like a firehose, I create so much so fast people think I must be working all the time but I’m not, I literally cannot stop it because it’s like breathing to me and one of my greatest joys in life. Well actually I am either a firehose or a ghost, so big bursts of creativity and then big bursts of disappearing to re-charge and re-fuel my inspiration and senses, I used to think this was problematic but now I understand this is the way I was made, it’s just my rhythm, I respect and honor my rhythm, and I hope you respect and honor yours too! People are always comparing themselves to others and then making themselves wrong or into a problem because they do not match how someone else is, or how someone else does things, when we are DESIGNED to be different! That’s how we fit together so well in such complementary ways! Silly hoo-mans. 🥰
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. - I want things the way I want them (i.e. I can be a perfectionist and controlling 😣 ) and it doesn’t fit the chill vibe way I’d like to see myself! 😅 I am also pretty peaceful and relaxed most of the time and people tell me so all the time, but I can definitely be picky, and vein about my appearance, and I care a lot about the way I look and the way things look in general (which makes sense as an artist and designer) – but again that doesn’t fit the “no ego, no materialistic, unapologetic feminist naturalist” vibe I think I should embody half the time either. I accept that the gifts of this, however, are that it makes me able to create really beautiful things for a living as an artist and creator and designer and to create structures that are supportive to myself and others, but my conditioning tells me I should be some perfect spiritual saint regarding this, and not care about any of that ever, and I am just not that saint, and I just do care about those things sometimes. But I DO always prioritize love ABOVE all of those things first, and I love myself in all of my states (put together and presented or not) but I realized that part of that loving was loving these parts of myself too, and letting them be natural and “perfectly me” parts of who I am in this lifetime.
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. - I have struggled with body image all my life. I am not skinny but I always wished I was. I still wish I was. But I love food too much 😂 😆 I always thought it would FEEL so lovely to be thin and willowy, but I am not built that way. I know I am not supposed to feel that way, I know I should rebel against the patriarchal systems that made me that way, and I do (!) and I did (!) hugely for a time, I understand the rampant fat-phobia in our culture and the body shaming brainwashing I do not want to support! I understand this is conditioning and brainwashing of what beauty is and is not, and at the end of the day there is still part of me who just wishes she had that kind of body, AND at the same time I love myself the way I am right here and now just the same. It’s taken me a long time to get there! I had an eating disorder for many years when I was younger. But I am at peace with my body now – but it doesn’t mean I don’t still wish I could feel like a ballerina and float around all light and wispy! 😂 So I am just being honest about that instead of trying to now shame myself into being a perfect anti-body-shaming-advocate, I am just going to let that desire be there. And as soon as I did just let it be there, I started actually doing some at home ballet just for fun! It won’t give me a ballerina body (because again, I’m not going on a diet) but it gives me that FEELING that I was looking for (sometimes! 😅 sometimes it just feels too hard and I want to stop! But these days when it feels like that I do stop! And that’s the difference between old me and new me, I let myself stop if I want or need) I don’t push myself around anymore. I let myself flow where I want to, and that is so amazing to feel compared to how I used to.
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So there are definitely more but these are the main “flaws” I’d like to air, so I can feel more comfortable showing up and being me. So hi again! 👋 Nice to re-meet you ❤️ 😂
And… if you would like to feel more love for yourself and your own perceived “flaws” (which might be the most adorable thing about you to someone else! btw), I just released my brand new Alice’s Flowers Oracle Journey eBook, and it is in the shop! Click below to check it out and download your copy. I have been having a lot of fun on my laptop this week clicking the ‘Ask Alice’s Flowers’ button and seeing what I get. 🥰 🌺
AND… 🥁 DRUMROLL PLEASE… this week I am releasing a brand new thing called SunMun’s Money Mindset Monsters! But you guys get FIRST dibs as I have not announced it yet. If you’re curious what a SunMun is and what a Money Mindset Monster is… scroll below and click to find out. 😍
See you next Sunday sweet pea’s,
xo,
Sunni
