And also… I discovered recently… it was not serving me anymore. Now listen, context is QUEEN here, so here is the context of this discovery:
One day I was watching this video of a woman speaking, and in the video, she paused during the conversation and said to the universe/her guides: “take care of me,” and she proposed that the viewers do the same. And while my face stayed stoic, my internal jaw hit the floor.
Now don’t get me wrong, I speak to those things to, I ask for guidance and help all the time now, though it is a relatively new phenomena for me in the last couple of years, because I didn’t used to believe I could do that. I used to be extremely skeptical, but the beauty and miraculousness of the experiences I have had since then have left no doubt in my mind.
But I have never said “take care of me” ever. So when she said that, it made me EXTREMELY uncomfortable and judge-y. And I know by now if something makes me really uncomfortable and judge-y, I need to investigate.
So I did.
Investigating for me means I see what my judgmental “not-nice” voice in the head is really saying here. I get brutally honest about that, and I don’t hold back, because how I’m judging her (and trying not to) is HOW I’M JUDGING ME.
That judgmental not-nice voice was like: “Take care of me?!! Take care of me!!?? The gall of this woman!.. take care of me??! You cannot expect to be taken care of!!! You are setting yourself up for massive disappointment!! The only one you can count on is yourself! This woman is totally disempowered! She is relegating responsibility that should be hers!! She is being weak. And also who does she think she is, asking for that??! Does she know how many people are hurting and want that, and she’s asking to be taken care of?!?! We need to take care of ourselves! That’s what responsible grown-ass empowered women do!! If you do or expect anything else, you’re disempowered, weak, and needy, and you’re gonna be let down HARDDD. What a bunch of airy-fairy B.S.! That is DANGEROUS what she is saying and doing.“
OUCH. Ouch. Ouch.
This was painful to see.
Because what I saw is the part of myself who is still believing herself an island. The one who takes the world on her shoulders because she believes she “has to.” The one who believes she has to fight and struggle for everything she gets. The one who believes she can’t trust or count on anyone, not REALLY, because she’ll only be let down if she does. The one who believes she has to keep up her guard 24/7 and do it all herself. The one who is exhausted and hurting because she feels (as reflected in these comments) she’s on her own in a cold, cruel world. Even though she is absolutely NOT.
But even more so because this was a clear indication of deep disconnection. A SOURCE of disconnection.
Because how can you know and deeply feel you are part of, one-with, and connected to life and to everything while you are also believing you’re ultimately on your own? How can you ever truly feel safe, held, or in trust and openness in life if you constantly have to be on guard and figure everything out by yourself?
It reflected where I don’t really let people in, and it reflected why. It reflected where I was shamed out of my desires in life because “other people have it bad/worse, and so who was I to want more.”
It reflected my expectation of disappointment—to protect myself from getting hurt. It reflected how I was judging myself so harshly for wanting to feel taken care of in life and have it feel easier, and how I was absolutely disallowing it on this level because it would mean I was weak, disempowered, and would surely get hurt.
It reflected so freaking much.
Now it is probably obvious to most of you by now that the distinction here is whether you’re speaking as purely a human about other humans when you say this, or as the divine about the divine.
Because yes, clearly, humans are about as predictable as squirrels, and anything can happen. So you cannot put all your eggs in another human’s basket and expect to feel safe. And yes, you cannot expect particular other humans, situations, or events to save you.
But knowing and expecting that you will be taken care of by life, AS life, and by the divine, AS the divine, in the MULTITUDE of ways that can and does show up… THAT you most certainly can do.
I discovered this truth by turning it around to its opposite:
“Nobody’s coming to save you.” became,
“Everybody’s coming to save you.“
And oh my, how that opened my eyes! So how could it be just as true or truer that everyone’s coming to save me? Let’s see…
1. It could be just as true or truer because all day long, every day all over the world, humans are literally saving other humans. Animals are saving animals, plants are saving plants, insects are saving insects, and every which way in between all of us. Ambulances and fire trucks whiz by on the road every day because someone needs saving, and someone’s being saved. Flowers are saving bees and bees and saving flowers. Ibuprofen saves us from our headaches. Plants and animals save us (and each other) from starvation. Water and sunshine are literally falling from the sky and SAVING ALL OF US AT ALL TIMES! The air in my lungs is saving my life this very instant and every instant I’ve been alive! Gravity saves us from floating right off the earth! My god! These examples were the TIP of the iceberg, it is breathtaking the examples I found here, and you could find more (I did). It honestly made me howl with tears of joy and laughter.
2. It could also be just as true that everyone’s coming to save me because, as I see it, every single person in my life is literally helping to save my life, by either pushing my buttons in a way I don’t like or in a way I do like, and all of those buttons help me grow, learn and build a better life. Whether it’s someone who brings me pain or brings me joy, whether they are showing me what I want or what I don’t want, they are always helping me see and know myself in this life and beyond it. In that way, everyone is saving me all the time.
3. It could also be just as true or truer for the countless times (which I recounted specifically in my journal) that I needed help, support, assistance, love, care, encouragement and/or belief in myself that I simply did not have at the time. People have come to my aid, situations and events have come to my aid, little birds pecking at seeds on the ground have come to my aid in my darkest moments, just to remind me of the beauty and simplicity of life when I was too in my pain to see it. People in my life save me DAILY, they show up for me in countless ways, from my husband and family and friends in their own big and small ways, to the tech support guy I had to call to fix my Zap yesterday. We are utterly connected and inseparable, all of us, at all times.
I could find someone or something saving me in every moment—in literally EVERY MOMENT.
The farmers and the truckers and the people who work at the grocery stores are saving me. The power and water plant and the people who work there are saving me. And ultimately, mama earth is saving me… and saving us all. And the sun and the moon are saving her. And the universe is saving them. And the source is saving it all. 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️
It’s so beautiful I could just fall apart.
But I couldn’t see any of that when “nobody’s coming to save you” was my story. I couldn’t REALLY feel all of that. That story doesn’t leave room for real connection; at least it didn’t for me.
So while I absolutely see the power and purpose of that phrase – to not have women giving away their power to men, or to anyone else, and to not have them waiting for someone to give them what they want or permission to have or go after what they want – the time has come for me personally, to let that story go. I thank it for how it served me (and it absolutely DID), but I don’t need it anymore.
It’s funny how the SAME phrase/story/belief can be both empowering or disempowering, both liberating or like a cage. It just depends where you’re at and what you need.
Beliefs are not ultimately true or false. The better question is always: do they serve me?
For me, what serves me better now is knowing, deeply, that I am assisted and supported in many ways, by many things, and that I do not get to dictate who or what those things are, but when I ask and intend for that, and trust in the flow of life and know that I am held in and AS that flow, that is what I feel and experience more of, through all of the people, situations and events of my life.
So I share this for any who may also be carrying this story without realizing how it may now have shifted into something that is more in the way than a help. In the way of your connection to life and the universe and your place in it, in the way of your relationships, both personal and professional, and to letting in help and support where you need it. And ultimately in the way of your connection to your deepest self with a capital S.
But as always, take what works and leave what doesn’t. I just felt such a release and deep healing come out of this turnaround that I simply had to share.
And If you’d like to work with me on knowing and feeling you are fully supported at all times in all ways you can either…
• Buy my new book Rich In Love
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