November 1, 2020

How Do I Change This?

I received the following question to my post entitled Two Women In Mefrom a few weeks ago, and I wrote back a more thorough reply than I normally would, which I later heard was VERY valuable to the questioner (in a rather life-altering way) so I thought I would share it here with you…




My internal conflict isn’t my mother and my grandmother, it is always me, railing against my mother. Rather the fear that I will become her, that I will spend my life lonely and angry and afraid, incapable of forging my own way or realizing my own talents, destitute, and dependent. Like her. Then there is the part of me that wants to relax and be lazy and lounge about enjoying the company of my children and a good book, but the other half says, “You can’t relax. Who would do the work?” And why do I sabotage myself and any chance of success by being lazy (or writing eloquent emails at 3 o’clock in the morning)? The work that I don’t really get paid for anyway?


So I sit here and wonder, “How do I change?” … I feel as though there are only so many ways of being, and you must choose your way from life’s menu. Even if you choose one from column A (financial prosperity) and one from column B (rich relationships) aren’t you still just making an ordinary choice? How do you make a truly radical change? The kind of change that makes other people say, “How on Earth did she ever think to do that, and why didn’t I think of it first?” Unexpected and courageous and bold. I feel that is the space where my best life lives, but I haven’t even reached the precipice yet and I am not sure where to look for it.”





I love the questions you are asking yourself, and my answer, if you are interested in it, and further questions to you to consider are these:


1.  Yes, if you choose financial prosperity and rich relationships, you are making a choice: a choice to have it all. And when you make that choice, that then becomes the new reality you enter into creating.


2.  How that radical change happens is one tiny step at a time, following the next breadcrumb that lights you up towards that end, and then the next. Repeat, repeat, repeat. And one day you look up, and your whole world has changed.


3.  Great, courageous, unexpected bold changes are made to look like they came out of nowhere, but they never do, they come out of somewhere. They come out of many moments and choices prior that led up to a culmination. We never need to worry about that culmination, it takes care of itself. We just need to take the next right step for us, which we will know when we begin to trust ourselves (which is where we should always begin).


4.  What I would ask you to consider is what if your propensity towards ease (“laziness”, which I am also a big lover of) and 3am emails WAS the work you really got paid for? You will not be able to see that as a possibility, however, until you are able to accept and integrate BOTH parts of you – the part that is on top of it all (railing against your mother, being like your grandmother) and the part of you that wants to not push all the time and wants to let it all go into ease. These parts support each other, they are both necessary and have their part to play, they just don’t work in harmony together until we accept both of them. When we rail against one side it creates an incongruence in our energy systems and we burn out and get stuck.


I hope that helps, but I know you will find your own answers in your own time.


My FFNM course, at its heart, is really just a course in women learning to trust themselves and their intuition and value themselves differently so their life starts to flow their own way. Abundance is just the icing that comes on that cake, honestly.”





Thank you so much for your detailed and thoughtful responses! The first sentence of #4 caused me to smile uncontrollably. You have dared me to dream, but more than that, do. I choose to accept the BEST of both parts, and trust in the forces that shaped me that they have uniquely prepared me for what lies ahead. I shared our conversation with my husband and he said, “That’s what I have been trying to tell you, but she said it so much better!” He also said, “What if this was your precipice?”


What action comes of this revelation? Courage to leave a 20-year profession that I like but don’t love, to free up more time to do the only work that never feels like work so that one day I can live the life that I love. I know that while it may seem bold to some, it is a decision that I have been pondering and anticipating for five years. I am also aware that sometimes I will question whether I did the right thing or whether I am on the right path, but I KNOW that sometime within the next year, or three, or five, I will receive the confirmation. I will be surrounded by people that I love and respect, in a warm, beautiful place, doing the work that I love and receiving recognition for it and being paid well for it. That is the day that I will look up and know my whole world has changed and that my Choice to have it all will make me realize that my Ask was too small.”




“YESSSSSSS!!!!!!!! Swooning over this beautiful embodiment and recognition of your power and choice. It brought tears to my eyes and a huge smile to my heart! I am holding the vision of you having ALL OF THAT and more.”


If you found the above helpful, and would like to have more support like this on YOUR journey to creating your abundant life and business, join me in my Feast or Famine No More Course, where you’ll get all of that and more »