As I’ve been moving through this final phase, I’ve noticed an old pattern of mine coming up.
One that I really don’t live in anymore, but it started sneaking back in there because of all the fear and doubt that gets kicked up when you’re about to share yourself and your heart with the world in a much bigger way.
People are going to SEE ME. 😱 And they’re going to think things about me. They’re going to judge and misunderstand, and misinterpret, and all kinds of things I can’t control. And that’s okay. It comes with the territory, and I’ve made as much peace with that as I can.
But the pattern that started re-surfacing in response to this was: overwhelm.
All of a sudden I noticed I was feeling hurried, and stressed, and rushed, and over-extended, and like there’s not enough time, and I’m running out of time, and suddenly everything just felt HARD, and like hard work, and like I’ll never catch up or get on top of it.
This is not surprising of course. It’s a pattern most of the world operates in 24-7.
The pattern of hurry, hurry, hurry, now, now, now, there’s not enough, it’s not enough, YOU’RE NOT ENOUGH. Be faster, be better, be more, right now! It’s nervous system overdrive. It’s survival mode running the show. It’s believing you are on your own and unsupported in a cold, cruel world, so you have to do figure it all out yourself.
But that is NOT who I am.
And it is NOT how I operate.
It is NOT the truth of life, as I know it.
It’s simply not the reality I live in—though I know it is one that many do.
In my world, there is always plenty of time and plenty of money, and I am fully supported at all times and in all ways. In my world, I am assisted by forces seen and unseen at every moment. In my world, it gets to be easy and peaceful, and if that’s not happening, it’s because something inside me is either: healing and in the process of change, or just needs more love and acceptance to come back into balance and to re-direct my focus on what I want to create.
This is NOT everybody’s world, CLEARLY.
And I am VERY aware of that.
There are many times in my life when I DON’T actually see enough time or money or love or all the things I need or want, but I persist in my belief that there is plenty until that IS indeed what I see and feel.
Because in my world, if there is a shortage of time, or of money, or of love, or of respect, or kindness or compassion, or of anything and everything else, then it is simply reflecting something in me that needs more love and acceptance. In my world I work from the inside-out.
And when I bring more love and acceptance to those places in me, often after many tries and fails and lots of tears, the external situation resolves itself. I ask life for help, and I let go. I accept that whatever comes my way after that (even if it feels really crappy at the time!) is helping me get to where I truly want to be and is just a stepping stone to get me there.
I don’t work to fix the outside situation. That never works. It’s like trying to plug up a waterfall with a bandaid.
I work to fix what the outside situation is BRINGING UP IN ME, and I know as I work through that, the outside situation will transform, almost like magic, and be taken care of in ways I couldn’t imagine when I was locked into my old pattern.
This is the way my life works. This is the way the world works to me. This is the way I live, and the way I love. It is seeing myself as the creator of my experience here on earth. That doesn’t mean I am in control of life or in charge of it, not by a mile. It just means I’m an active and conscious participant in the creation of my EXPERIENCE of life.
It doesn’t mean I don’t get frustrated, angry, blame external situations or people sometimes, or all manner of far-less-than-perfect-human-reactions. It just means that, at the end of the day, I know that my work is IN ME. And I always return to that place. Any external work I might do to shift external things must begin with me shifting internally.
To me, the outside world is a reflection of me. A reflection of what lives in me. It’s an opportunity to SEE MYSELF and love myself and the rest of the world more completely.
So when I hear and feel: “HURRY, HURRY, HURRY, faster, faster, get all the things done and checked off the list right NOW!” I know that there is nothing I will EVER check off my list that will give me the peace and quiet I am looking for.
There is no external thing I could do or take care of that would give me that feeling of spaciousness, unhurriedness, freedom, and relaxation for long.
Instead, I know that what I really need is to allow more spaciousness, unhurriedness, freedom, and relaxation WITHIN me right NOW. And it will reflect back outside me in my experience when I do.
It seems completely counter-intuitive when you feel stressed and overwhelmed to STOP trying to do those things and remedy this from the outside to create more space in your life. But that’s how it works if you want real and lasting change.
Because it has nothing to do with the items on the list. That stress state and overwhelm is a way of BEING.
It is an old pattern that just keeps playing on repeat, unchecked. And you have to break out of it from the inside-out, not from the outside in.
So how do you do that??
For me, I start by literally affirming to myself the opposite. I stop the “there’s not enough time! there’s not enough ______. I have to do it all myself!” stories and I say to myself out loud the thing I want to create instead, such as: “I have all the time and money in the world” OR “everything that needs to get done, gets done with ease and joy with plenty of time to spare” or “I am fully supported, at all times, and in every way.”
I say those things to myself, even if I don’t believe it in that moment. Even if I don’t feel it. I affirm it. I’m creating it. I say it even when I see evidence of the opposite in my face. I affirm it, and I affirm it again, because that’s what I’m choosing to create.
Then I pick at least ONE THING that would FEEL like ease to me, and I do it.
That could be as simple as taking a slow deep breath, to a 5-minute meditation, to making a cup of tea, to walking away from whatever urgent thing I’m doing and daring to take a break, a walk, or something that gets me out of that cycle and breaks the pattern.
Breaking the habit and pattern is the key. It doesn’t have to take long, and it doesn’t have to be hard. It doesn’t have to be a spa weekend. It is literally just a shift of focus.
It’s hard to shift your focus when you’ve been doing something all your life, but it begins by simply being AWARE of the pattern.
Once you’re AWARE the pattern is operating, WHILE it’s operating – THEN (and only then) do you have a choice. And that’s when I choose something new.
Even when my mind is screaming: “that is not going to work! This shit needs to get done! You need to fix/take care of/remedy this situation right NOW or ELSE!!”
I hear that voice, I allow it, and I say to it:
“Thanks for your input. But I am daring to believe that by giving myself the space NOW, all of that will get taken care of with much greater ease. I know it will. I’ve seen it so many times. You tell me I’ll feel better if I do what you say with this energy, but you’re lying. I’ve done it that way all my life with the promise of that ease at the end, and it’s just not true. So thanks anyway, but I’m trying something new.”
If you dedicate yourself to a different way, even when it seems impossible, even when you don’t see how that way could possibly work, even when your old patterns are screaming at you that you’d better do it their way or you’re through… you will see an entirely different life and way of being begin to emerge if you persist.
When you shift, the world shifts.
I have seen this magic too many times to ever doubt it again. Take a look at the stories you’re telling yourself about things. See if you want to keep them or not. Begin telling yourself some new stories. See how it feels.