xo,
Sunni
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The funny thing about goals is… we imagine them as mountains. Great hills we must climb and reach. That is certainly one way of viewing it, yes. And it is one way of doing it.
If you imagine yourself low in the valleys,
certainly you will want to run uphill.
But if you imagine yourself poured into this world, and of it, you may feel yourself as rain upon those mountains, flowing down ancient river beds and forming new ones.
Picking up loose gold along the way in the bedrock, smoothing across great veins of precious metals, and carrying effortless plenty to pool upon the plains below.
Pools that will rest, and pools that will nourish,
by a flow that continues to feed,
and be fed.
Which one of these two things you do all depends on what you value, and what you’re trying to create in your life… what you enjoy, and what you don’t.
I personally made a lifestyle out of pushing boulders up hills and filling my pockets with rocks along the way, because that is what you do when you have something to prove.
I had a lot to prove.
So I had a lot of weight to carry. A lot of mountains to climb. You couldn’t have told me at that time that I was creating more work for myself, but now I know.
I needed that work…to prove who I was.And… to prove who I was not.
I needed it to prove I was all the things I’d love for people to think about me. I needed to prove I’m not all the things that I’d hate them to think about me. You gotta push a lot of rock when you’re playing that game.
But a time came when I started to value the quality of my life over how other people might see me, or not see me. I started valuing my actual experience more than how I wanted to appear. And I was scared what that would do to me, I still am…
but that water does call.
Fear of not belonging will make your knees knock. Fear of judgement and loss will keep you pushing for things you don’t even really want.
But you can learn to be the water.
You can trace yourself back to your fall from the heavens as those first drops of rain on the tops of those hills. In this way you’ve already reached the highest peak that there is in this world, the one where you’re BORN into life.
And then, as quietly or as loudly as you wish, you glide down the mountains, gaining breadth and width and ease with every mile. Widening in magnitude and power, while quietly moving down the landscape.
There may be rush, and rock,
but no resistance.
You just flow through,
and around.
You don’t prove anymore. You ALLOW.
You take the most natural path of least resistance, you learn to move WITH instead of AGAINST. It’s a whole other way of living. It’s a whole other way of life.
Proving energy has gotten some AMAZING shit done in this world, don’t get me wrong. Proving is a force to be reckoned with. It has created and launched countless forms of needed change and invention here on earth. This is not about being contrary to climbing, pushing, or otherwise.
It’s just that it can be a really hard way of living, and it takes its toll on the body, mind and soul. I’m sure it is possible to do amazing things with sheer will and force from a place of joy and inspiration. But it’s just not where I personally was living back then.
So I found out how I DID want to live,
and I decided to let it be easier.
Facing fears is still not easy, but everything else is far more so. And my fears continue to lose their power over me, every time I let myself be moved anyway, and find out I’m not only okay, but better off.
Water is not afraid of failing.It knows it cannot ever be lost.
And that’s what living like water requires of me, to touch into that same knowing within myself. That place where it doesn’t matter if I fail, because I know, I cannot be lost.
That is the god place.
The center of a deep, dark, bright, brilliant star.
The source, the well,
the spring.
It’s who you
really are.
💗
