December 11, 2022

Like Winning the lotto

Beautiful silhouette of a woman holding a lot of tiny light bulbs and text: Like Winning the Lotto

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When I decided to throw my hat in the ring towards my dreams, I was thinking at that time that it was a bit like playing the lottery. Like I might win big here, or I might not get lucky. Get lucky like those lucky few.
That was entirely the wrong way to look at it. That way of thinking led to a lot of pain. The dreams that I approached THAT WAY, became painful to manifest and seemed fraught with failure.
Because when you’re going into something viewing it as a gamble, instead of as a god given right to thrive (with full support and assistance every step of the way)—you’re going to create results that FEEL like when you gamble!
Which is a lot of: doubt, uncertainty, instability, drama, highs, lows, wins, losses, and thrills followed by big crashes and crippling shame.
But when I started viewing my dreams as my birthright, and not like entering some elusive lotto where I have minuscule chances of ever winning, but could “try”, I started to simply DECIDE.
Just DECIDE what I wanted in my life and aim my focus on what I want to call in. Then I let go of the how, and the who, and the when, and I trust every single breadcrumb on the way.
When I focus on the FEELING of the dream first, when I manifest that FEELING FIRST (i.e. ease, peace, love, joy, abundance, whatever it is), the physical reality is never far behind.
Some things I have not been able to create as easily as others, and I know exactly why when I’m honest with myself. Usually it’s because I have some major inner conflicts and fears about actually having that thing. And I just have some more stuff to work out with myself in the distance between me and that dream… but when I am ready, it will be there, ready to meet me.
I don’t get mad at myself anymore when things don’t show up, or don’t get created when I thought they would, or I feel stuck. Well, that’s not true, I DO sometimes, 😂 but then very quickly my wiser self steps in and reminds me that I’m bridging that belief still, that’s all, and to just love myself through it, and that will take care of all the rest.
When I am in agreement with myself, and I don’t think that the dream I am calling in is going to pose a big threat to me or my freedom, it usually pops right in. But if I get even a WHIFF of a threat to my freedom, peace of mind, or to an identity that I cherish or wish to keep, my system will NOT allow it to be created. 
I don’t find that this happens via “self sabotage”, personally. For me it’s energetic. I could be doing all the things, and doing them right, but if the energy’s not there, it ain’t gonna happen. 😂
I used to think that my version of self-sabotage was disappearing. Disappearing from social media for long stretches, isolating, pooling in my introvert cocoon. 😂😌 💕 
But then one day I realized this was NOT my self-sabotage, this was my salvation!!
It was my self determination to INCLUDE something that was an absolutely VITAL INGREDIENT to me! One that my system said “no freaking way am I moving forward without this, and no way is that dream happening if I can’t bring this with me!”
When I got that message, I built it in. I built it right into the dream. I assured that part of myself that I would absolutely be able to disappear when I need to, and still thrive. I am a hermit and a scorpio, I need to back into my little cave every once in awhile. 😂
But there was a time when I made this into a problem about me, some shortcoming that I needed to overcome, and when I thought that… guess what?  It manifested! 😂  It reflected back to me as being a block and being a problem.
But guess what happened when I STOPPED believing that was a problem or a shortcoming about me?? And when I assured that part of myself it could still have its beloved alone time?  I manifested a way to do that too, and still have everything I wanted in my life. Because that’s what I decided I was going to create. It wasn’t in the way I thought it would happen, but it happened just the same. It just came through a different path, one that I had less resistance to.
Our dreams WANT to come to us, but we have big objections to them that we don’t know we’re carrying. So when we relax and trust life and let go of our plans, life will slip it in through the path of least resistance. That has been my experience anyway. Life is so kind that way, it gives me all that I’ll allow, AND it gives me all I need to work through the places I am not allowing more.
It always blows my mind when I write this stuff because it sounds so freaking simple! And it IS simple. But it feels utterly complicated and dark and horrid when you’re in a wave of pain that needs to clear between you and your dream. Or when you’re in an experience that feels heartbreaking or wretched and you can’t see any possible way this could be for your good.
In those cases I would take the “good” or “bad” out of it. And just love yourself through every second of what you feel. In the grand scheme of things you may see how this experience has enriched your journey in this life and led you to things you never imagined could be so deep and vibrantly alive. They bring other dreams right to your doorstep. Or they may just be a painful chapter in your book.
The book of your life where you get to create your dreams and go on a grand adventure. Or a quiet adventure. A peaceful adventure. A raucous adventure. You pick. You choose. You decide.
It’s not like playing the lotto.
Every ticket you buy, every chip you throw in, yields RESULTS. Those results are information. Information about what you believe. You just look at those results like a mirror—and see yourself. Your wild beautiful messy imperfect self. And you just decide again…
what do I want to be?
What do I want to let go of being?
Then ask life/the universe/god/spirit/angels/guides for help with that and let go. Follow the breadcrumbs and you’ll get there.
Repeat, repeat, repeat til the end of time. 😉 
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