If you look at your life’s journey as a landscape, you will see that some moments feel lush like a rainforest, or nurturing like warm earth and cool waters, while other moments feel dry and barren, like a desert stretch that goes on for miles.
If you are anything like me, you’ll tend to fight those desert moments tooth and nail, and judge them as “something is wrong” or “something is wrong with me”. But that is the scared and small voice inside, and though it can get very loud and make a lot of commotion, there is a larger voice inside that knows the truth. The truth that these desert moments are a gift, every bit as much as the lush ones.
I have been in one of these periods as of late, and it has lasted much longer than I cared for. Much much longer than it “should”. And it showed me, like a camel crossing the Sahara sands, how much I can carry inside.
I want to rush for water, I want to get to the oasis on the other side, but the whole time the water is within me. And if I will not allow myself to receive what’s HERE, I will certainly not allow myself to receive what’s THERE.
What happens when you’re not in the resplendent greens of the jungle? Well, suddenly you can see for MILES. An expanse spills out before you—one you couldn’t see in the jungle moments. Once you stop sweating, panicking and proclaiming you should not be in the desert… you suddenly start to notice the billions of grains of sand beneath your feet.
You begin to notice how they shift upon each other, carving intricate patterns in the wind.
You begin to hear the wind. Feel the wind. The wind of your greater longings. And you get to decide… to make the trek ahead, or to go back.
The illusion is that you don’t already have everything you need inside you. Right here, and right now. The illusion is that it is not your total JOY to be on this journey at all.
For me, this landscape always brings up the same old recurring inner voices… that I need to be better. I need to be better first, in all the ways. I need to be smarter, more talented, more evolved, more emotionally or mentally grown, more thin and healthy, more powerful or pretty, more cool and more not-giving-a-damn-how-powerful-or-pretty-I-am, more spiritually attuned, more self-aware, more present, more funny, more serious, more positive, more political, more… the list goes on and on and on.
And all of that boils down to one thing: I should be different. And this voice insists that I NEED to be different to have what my heart desires—I need to be someone else, or something else.
And though the wiser part of me knows this is not true, these desert moments are exactly the next level healing I need to remember and re-integrate that I can have everything I desire and still be ME. And in fact… I MUST be me, in order to do so, and be happy.
What our heart’s most desire is to be free. And everything we want in the whole world is in service of that freedom. Love, money, and all the rest of it… we believe when we have it we’ll be able to be MORE FREELY OURSELVES. We believe it will support us living a life we yearn to live… AND IT WILL!
Too many teachings will tell you not to focus on those things, and just forget those things and be at peace and/or be of service, but I am not one of those teachers. Money and love and all the rest of it WILL support your freedom and your being and doing more of what you love and living the life you yearn to live, and Life (with a capital L) wants nothing less for you than that joy. It is MEANT to be had, and you are meant to be supported. It is available to you, and all around you.
But it will not be a substitute for total self-love and acceptance. And that is the deeper freedom you truly need. From there… all money is a wellspring.
But HOLD UP… right about now your mind is probably doing an either/or black & white thinking thing like human brains do, where it will try to sort this in to: money is bad I don’t really need money I need self-love instead —OR— money is good, to hell with self-love. But this is NOT an either/or situation, because life is not an either/or situation! This is an AND/BOTH situation. Yes, you want and need the money, and yes, you want and need to love yourself as you are.
When you are in the desert, you can feel lost. And you can take it to mean that what you want is not available to you. Or… you can go on that trek.
You can follow those patterns the wind has whispered to the sand. You can see where they take you. You can trust your wellspring is INSIDE you, all the while. And you can trust the oasis will appear.
You are what you are, right now. You are where you are, right now. And yet, a desire burns bright in your heart for a future and a vision you’ve imagined. This is the tension of living and being human. To be where you are, and where you are not — at once. What a trip right? And what a miracle!
Life is an adventure, and your money journey is like a journey across the landscapes of your mind, heart, and soul. Those landscapes are going to look and feel different, and the prize is going to simply fuel your desire for a new prize and a new adventure to pursue. Because that is your joy, the journey itself. That is your TRUE joy with all of this, and you know it.
You want to feel lost… so you can finally feel FOUND. Because finding yourself and losing yourself is the fun of living. Peek-a-boo! I see you. There is a reason this is so much fun for children. 😉
Money has not only fueled and supported my callings, it has also BEEN my calling—so that it can continue to fuel and support more callings! So don’t count it out, no matter what anyone says to you, and when you feel like it’s counting YOU out, don’t despair… the warm earth and cool waters are just around the bend.
Keep following where your heart leads. Just take the next step. It’s all that’s required. You’re already enough… and the tension between where you are and where you want to be is totally NORMAL and totally GOOD. You don’t owe anyone an apology for any of it.
Trust yourself. You’re on your way.
love,
Sunni
P.S. Want to end the feast or famine cycle in your business, make more money and have more time and freedom on your OWN TERMS? Watch my free 👉 FREE Permission To Thrive Workshop 👈
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