If you want to know what issue is up for you to heal next on your way to a more abundant life, just have a look at what’s currently annoying you… because all is revealed in the course of your everyday life, in the tiniest seeming events.
The little things that we get upset about are NEVER about those things. Those things have simply triggered a deeper wound that is now popping up and saying: “hello, would you like to heal this or just keep hashing it out into eternity? Either way it’s fine, but just let me know.”
I had a perfect example of this pop up the other morning. I had made some Blueberry Streusel Muffins and they’d just dinged in the oven all piping hot and fresh. I was writing in my chair, so Kenny pulled them out for me. I told him they’d need to sit/cool for the specified time on the box and to find the box and see how long. Instead, he got out the butter and a plate to dig in as soon as humanly possible.
I like to think myself pretty easy going about such things most of the time, but I found myself suddenly getting very huffy about this, my voice was calm but my insides were not: “did you get the box? what did it say? there’s a reason why they say a specific cooling time and write that rule, don’t be surprised if they just fall apart on you!”
As soon as it came out of my mouth I saw it.
This was NOT about muffins. And it wasn’t about him either, it was about me. He made a joke back to me about this not being Nazi Germany and that his muffins were totally delicious, thank you very much.
I laughed out loud, fully seeing myself at this point, and opened a blank page in my notes app to jot down my judgements about the whole thing, and then I “turned those judgements around” to myself instead (i.e. The Work of BK). As I did I saw myself and my current struggles all laid out there clearly in front of me:
• I’m not following the rules.
• The rules are written for a reason.
• I might totally ruin things if I don’t follow the rules.
• Things won’t set properly, they won’t solidify.
• Everything will fall apart.
• I’ll ruin all my previous “hard work” by not doing things now the way “you’re supposed to”.
And there it was, my current struggle with myself and what was really bothering me presented to me on a platter of piping hot muffins. What we’re reviewing in our life shows up as our life’s events, in the smallest things.
That SAME week I sprained my finger holding open a heavy book. You guys—sprained my finger HOLDING OPEN A BOOK. How ridiculous is that?! After I’d set my book down for the night I noticed my finger hurt, and by the next morning it was totally swollen.
It was my pointer finger, and pointer fingers are about direction, it’s how you point to where you’re going to go and what you mean. Most people don’t think about such things. But I saw that my sense of my own direction (pointer finger) was being STRAINED (sprained) under the weight of other people’s ideas and beliefs (as represented by the book).
Both of these things are all about me breaking the rules that have been written in society about money, and work, and career, and personal freedom, and what that has to take, and what is possible, and I am doing that now more than ever… so of COURSE the inner critic is in there ready to lash out at any other rule breaker she can find (my husband in this case), because she’s in here lashing out at me.
And my finger was simply reminding me to check back in with my own true north. Which I did, and my finger was fine 2 days later.
Kenny’s muffins were perfectly delicious, they fell apart in his mouth just like they should. He enjoyed them in the moment instead of when I, or the box, said he should. And despite my inner critic/controller’s insistence that all would be in ruin… it worked out just fine for him.
Just as my own rule breaking continues to work out just fine for me.
It doesn’t mean there won’t be some muffin crumbling from time to time, or some strained and sprained fingers, hearts and minds… but it will be a life lived wholly, and on our own terms, making good use of our god-given freedom to choose, and live our lives by our own design.
We’re good together that way, he reminds me to take a bite out of life without waiting and not to take things too seriously, and I remind him we can break bigger rules and create a better life than we can even currently imagine. We mirror to eachother where we’re currently hung up, relationships help us grow like that.
So what’s your muffin incident for this week? Who or what upset or even just mildly annoyed you? Write down your judgements about that, and then turn them around to yourself, and see what’s coming up for you.
He’s breaking the rules –> I’m breaking the rules (in a certain area of life, by doing something new perhaps, or against the way people said you should do it)
She’s being so selfish –> I’m being so selfish (perhaps you are judging yourself for taking the time and space you need right now. for saying no. for saying yes to you instead for a change.)
etc. etc. etc.
Whatever you find… bring love. Whatever it is you find, just bring love to it. That’s all you have to do. You don’t have to change it, you don’t have to do anything but sit with it in spaciousness and bring as much love as you can.
Don’t overcomplicate it. Just say “ah. here’s where some more love is needed in me”. As soon as you do you will find the other person often will miraculously shift, and that is because when you shift, your world shifts.
That is why your partners, friends and children can look like complete monsters to you one moment, and complete angels to you the next. Because it’s all based on where you’re at in in your mind in that moment.
This doesn’t mean you let people bowl you over, you just decide to take your power back by looking at what’s up inside you, because you don’t need their permission or understanding to shift it IN YOU. But if you WAIT for their permission and understanding before you look at what’s really coming up for you, you will probably be waiting a long ass time.
Be like Kenny: don’t wait. Just get out the butter and dig in. 😉
And if you’d like some help with that, I would love to have you in my Feast or Famine No More Course, where we do that work at a nice and easy relaxed pace that supports you the entire year »