I want to ask you a question today, and it might be quite an off-putting for some of you, especially those of you who have struggled with people pleasing, but I think it’s really important, and that is:
Can Your Wanting Be Enough?
What is it that you want? And is it enough for you to want that just for you? Naturally there will be others that are affected by this wanting and the fulfillment of it, and naturally others will be part of your wanting, but your desires and your dreams for your life… can that be enough?
The traditional model of “find your why” encourages you to find your legacy passion, what you want to do for the world, the impact you want to make. Basically a “how is this going to better and save the world?” model. Because the idea is that that is going to drive you, and be more meaningful and important to you and thus help you succeed more.
What I see this do for most women however (or men perhaps or people who don’t identify as either), is make them feel incredibly guilty and conflicted about their own desires. And also incredibly confused about them, and how to go about creating them, because then they’re OUTSIDE OF THEMSELVES mentally running around trying to figure out what people need and how to give it to them.
If you are a woman in this world (or identified as a woman), since you were born you have likely been taught to put others before you, to minimize yourself and your desires, and to take care of others before yourself. So this “find your why” model is like adding gasoline to that already burning fire of guilt for having needs and wants of your own.
I have been running from that guilt all my life.
But recently… I stopped running.
I stopped trying to defend or explain away my guilt by justifying my needs and wants and how they are going to save the world, and I just let the guilt BE and be FULLY FELT in my body like a hot wave of sick that will pass through if I don’t keep trying to push it down or create a story about why I’m not a horrible person for having desires and wants of my own.
But instead, just let myself be guilty. Guilty of wanting. Guilty of wanting more. Guilty of wanting things for myself. Guilty of wanting what I want for no other reason than that I want it. And letting that guilt exist and be loved in me, unconditionally, like every other part/feeling/identity in me. And underneath that hot sick of this thing I’ve been running from all my life, is the most incredible freedom.
So Hi 👋, I’m Sunni. And I want to be deeply fulfilled, fully alive, filled with love, loved and in love, totally held and cherished and supported in every way, and FREE to choose what I want to experience, to do, to be and feel in this life, to create what I want with wild abandon and to be rich in every single way and every single meaning of the word…
and all of that boils down to FREEDOM and JOY for me. I want the money for freedom and joy, I want the safety for freedom and joy, I want the success for freedom and joy, it’s all about freedom and joy for me.
And it is my deepest knowing that that all of those gifts get passed on to others EFFORTLESSLY through my BEING THEM. I don’t have to go outside of myself to “try” to make that happen. It just pours out in a thousand different ways in my life and business without me even having to think about it or plan that in advance or try. It’s a natural by product, it just HAPPENS.
I want to pass that gift of freedom and fulfillment on to others like I want to take my next breath, but that is a RESULT of my own fulfillment, not a MEANS to it!
This is INSIDE-OUT living. What is inside is what goes out. And you are here because you know that. So if you try to go outside and work your way back in, you’ll be struggling a LOT and wondering why you feel so lost…
and it’s because you’re not at home.
You’re not at home in yourself, and you’re
DYING TO GET THERE.
One of my greatest loves in my life, other than witnessing myself craft something out of thin air in the creative field, is the feeling of witnessing someone realize they’ve built the bars of their own cage, and they can take them down anytime they’re ready to.
Because I personally LIVE for that feeling, and discovery. For the ability to create something new and surpass my own perceived limitations, and I get to experience that all over again within myself when I witness it in others.
That brings me such joy!
But it’s all for me.
It’s all for me because I am the one getting to experience that joy and that is the joy I am seeking. That persons experience of that is all their own, it’s their own intimate personal experience of THEMSELVES and their life and THEIR JOY and it is none of my business. It’s theirs.
I am sometimes just AWE-STRUCK by the BRILLIANCE and GENIUS of the universe/god/life/source that designed this mutually beneficial symbiotic relationship of beings that meet eachothers needs utterly naturally through meeting their OWN intrinsic desires and drives! And through having their own needs met. From plants to animals to the tiniest insects to cells! That is how that works, and it works the same in you.
I honor that brilliance in me. And I honor that brilliance in you.
And I want to encourage you to TRUST THAT. But you will not be able to trust it as long as you’re running from what people might think or say. As long as you are not willing for that wave of hot sick to run through you and be with it in unconditional love, or just in acceptance and neutrality and be a space for it to exist in you, like it’s a lost child that just needs to know that it belongs and is safe and will be held too.
If you will do this for yourself it will change everything.
The thing that you ARE is the thing you give away. The thing you are BEING is the thing you give away, without even thinking about it or trying at all. It just happens. So if you want to embody being some version of love, joy, happiness, fulfillment, freedom, peace, financially or otherwise, that is going to ripple out far beyond you.
But what about the “really bad guys” you say?? Those are the beings who have zero tolerance for their own guilt/shame, it is not allowed in them, they will not be a space of love or acceptance for that, so they are running the hardest, and the pain that they are in currently is what they also give away, unfortunately.
But that too is the play of life. This is the divine stage, and this play of all forms and their affects on eachother is happening, and from a much broader zoomed out view who knows the countless miracles that come from even the most painful things.
So I will leave you with this question to ponder in the week ahead: what comes up for you if you don’t have to go outside yourself and run around figuring out what people need and want from you and how to give it to them?? What if you did things because you just WANT TO and because you just LOVE it and you are intrinsically inspired to do such things??
Do you fear you wouldn’t be safe? Wouldn’t be liked? Wouldn’t be accepted? Would lose people, things and resources that you love and need??
I don’t suggest bowling over those fears, but I do suggest being AWARE of them.
And I do suggest slowly starting to do MORE of the things you WANT for no other reason than you WANT TO in whatever ways feel the least threatening to you, so that you build trust that you are still going to be loved and okay when you do those things, and eventually you can find out that you GET to be safe, liked, accepted and celebrated and cherished and loved and have all the resources and support and success you desire at the same time.
Be aware that as you begin doing this you will see the evidence of your OLD BELIEF staring back at you at first! That’s how the mirror of life works. Do not be discouraged, it’s just a reflection of your old belief, an echo, and it will fade if you remain devoted to your freedom and joy, or whatever your directive and desire is.
You cannot save others, or save the world, because you cannot CHOOSE for them.
You cannot choose for others. But you can choose for you. All you can do is BECOME the change that you want to see in your world, and let others choose for themselves in their world. We have not all come for the same ride. 💕
Honor the ride you came for.
Let others honor theirs.
The gift that you ARE will naturally emanate and be of MOST benefit when you are letting yourself be yourself. 💗 💕