Do you know how many times I’ve wanted to give up on my dreams? Approximately one Kajillion. Is that a number? 😂🤣 I don’t know, but that is how many times.
It doesn’t matter that so many of my dreams have come true. It doesn’t matter that I KNOW the magic and miracle of life deep in my bones and in my soul. It doesn’t matter because the mind never quite catches on.
It never quite catches on that it is HELD.
And that it is not driving this bus. 😂 🤣
Do you also know how many times I have failed? Approximately TWO Kajillion. 😂 I fail every flippin’ day!! I fail at being the exact person I wanted to be, the highly spiritual being I wanted to be, the mother I wanted to be, the daughter I wanted to be, the wife, the sister, the friend, the mentor, the professional, the businesswoman, the kick-ass no-nonsense goal-achieving list-checking queen… I fail regularly and with great dramatic flair! 🤣
And each time I swear to my guides and angels, I am DONE, and I am SERIOUS! That I am giving up, throwing in the towel, packing it in, and officially calling it quits.
And each time, they look at me with the warmest, kindest knowingest smile and kiss my forehead and say, “okay.” (in my mind’s eye)
No judgment. No rally cry.
Just unconditional love and presence.
Because they know (as my own higher self and heart knows)—even whilst my mind is throwing an absolute tantrum—that I am NEVER going to give up on my soul calling’s as long as I’m alive.
They know, as I know, that wild horses couldn’t drag me away.
They see me in my depths of despair, and they let me wrestle with that darkness as long as I need to for whatever gem that’s within those depths I need to pull out. It’s not a mistake, it’s not actually a failure to be “positive,” it’s a necessity.
Because on the other side of feeling what I was previously unwilling to feel… is FREEDOM.
Every. Single. Time.
And EVERY SINGLE TIME, my mind will think that I’m not supposed to be here, and I’m not supposed to feel this way, and I’m not supposed to be going through this, and all of this is a GIANT MISTAKE, and I WANT OUT…
And EVERY. SINGLE. TIME… it’s just my freedom. My NEW levels of freedom waiting to be experienced and be born.
Not in spite of this mess of failures and pain, but THROUGH THEM.
Each time I do this, I become more aware of a choice.
A choice to stop harassing the hell out of reality, things, people, events, situations, feelings, or otherwise with my controlling mind and all the ways it’s learned to defend and direct and take charge and go to battle…
and just OPEN.
Just open, open, open…
Trust myself, trust life, trust soul, spirit, source, and the path. Let it unfurl one step at a time out in front of me… into the great wide open. (under them skies of blue 🎶😉 a rebel without a clue )
We don’t need a clue! The clues come in their own time and their own way. Our job is to trust that. If we want to live a different kind of life.
And I do. I so really do.
There is not a dream I could have and make come true that wouldn’t just give birth to a brand new dream. So I may as well settle in for the long haul. 🥰
How about you? Intentional creation is a way of life, not a one-and-done. It’s a soul journey of healing, led and ignited by our desires.
Once you start down that path, you can’t go back. You just can’t. You’ve seen too much. And the less time you spend pretending you ever could, the better.
BUT… when you need to, just do it. Have your big cry and quit… and then get your angel forehead kisses and get up the next day and keep going.
You just couldn’t do it any other way, and part of you already knows that…