All my life I have been running from judgements. The judgements are numerous and varied, but most of them boil down to just one thing: Selfish.
For most women, our religion has been: GIVE.
Give until you have nothing left, and then give more. Give without regard to your own wants and needs, just give, give, give and trust you’ll be made safe.
I lived that religion, faithfully, for decades. Wondering why I was so hungry. So tired. So exhausted. So depressed. So used up. So afraid all the time, and so resentful. (and so *ashamed* of myself for being resentful)
So little by little, I took my life back. Because the safety that was promised never came.
It COULDN’T. Because I was not intended to be treasured for treating myself like trash. And that is what that model of ‘giving’ teaches us.
Attempting to give from ‘tired, overwhelmed, exhausted and afraid’ is not giving. It’s placating. It’s an attempt to defer judgement, and make sure people like you and think you’re GOOD. It’s a never-ending self-betrayal where you trade your life for validation.
And it’s a game you cannot win. Because that kind of validation can’t come from outside. It comes from within, and it’s shared as the gift of WHO YOU ARE.
True giving always includes receiving. It’s an incomplete cycle otherwise. You cannot give what you don’t have. It starts by selfishly knowing what you need and want, and deciding you’re going to receive that. You let go of the how and the who it shows up in, but you decide, and you let it all in.
So how do you know if you need to give more, or receive more??
Here’s how: are you tired? exhausted? overwhelmed? hungry? sad? afraid? burnt out? confused? resentful? If so, you’re trying to give what you don’t have. And it’s time for you to work on receiving more.
When you are full-up, lit-up, and feeling alive in all the ways, you will naturally be giving from your overflow, this is a feeling and process you cannot stop! You will not even be able to hold yourself back from it, it is just what naturally happens when your soul is finally fed.
So am I selfish? Yes. Yes I am. I’m gonna go ahead and take all power back from that statement now, because I’ve been letting people drag me around by the hair of that shadow all my days. And those days are now done.
I will selfishly know what I need and know what I want and I will selfishly allow myself to receive all manner of support for those things, and as I do I will live more and more in my natural abundance, like a rose that has the audacity to expect water to fall from the sky, and as she does, is fed, and blooms and blooms again.
Just look at the gifts of the selfishness of flowers, the selfishness of trees and of stars and of clouds, they are their own universe, their ecosystems surround and support them… they expect nothing less. You are the same.
And do you want to know why that selfishness doesn’t turn into hoarding, greed or unwillingness to share?? Because unlike humans, flowers do not believe in scarcity. They are not afraid there is only so much to go around and by taking their rain, another plant will have to die. They are one with the rhythm and cycle. And you can be too.
It is as much your natural birth right, and if you look really deep in yourself, you’ll also know it’s your natural way. As you thrive, everything and everyone in your environment thrives. So if you’ve been helping others to thrive but not yourself, you are KILLING the thing that uplifts them!
But don’t do it for them, if you do it for them and not you, you will secretly store a debt in their name that they’ll never be able to repay. Do it for you, and your gifts to them will then be TRULY free, instead of tied up in emotional price tags.
I want you to look at your life right now and ask yourself how many Yes’s you are giving because you don’t want to look selfish? Do you think those people are not being selfish to ask you?? Of course they are. Because people are thinking of themselves, and trying to get their needs met, as they should. And whether you say no or yes to them, you’re being selfish too.
If you say yes, you’re either meeting your need for them to think you’re great, or your need to feel the good feelings of helping someone and seeing how happy it makes them. If you say no, you’re meeting your need to have that time and energy go somewhere it’s needed more at this time (like to some things you need right now). Either way, it’s all for you. Just like it’s all for them in asking.
If you do not accept this part of yourself and welcome it home all the way… people will use it to RUN YOU AROUND. I have met so many people in my life, whom seemed to have a 6th sense about this, it was as if they knew (and I believe they did) that I was deathly afraid of being selfish, and so they used that fact to control me. As long as I avoided that shadow, I would do what they wanted, and they knew it. I said yes to things I meant no to, and I betrayed myself a thousand times.
And aren’t you tired? I am.
So I’ll not be running from this shadow anymore. Selfish is taking her seat at the table and I’m glad to have her home. Her gift is I give to myself what I’ve been expecting others to deliver me. That is my gift to them, and that is my gift to me…this way everything I DO give is from my overflow and comes without a bunch of unresolved emotions and expectations. When I declare there is room for me at the table of life, I connect from a place of mutual value, I stop operating under the illusion that I’m out there on my own, and everyone benefits as a result.
Now doesn’t that feel better for all involved?
It certainly does to me. ❤️
And if you want some help learning how to RECEIVE more than you ever have before, so you can GIVE from a truly full up place, I invite you to my Feast or Famine No More Course, it will help you that and SO much more »
xo,
Sunni
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