xo,
Sunni
Trusting Yourself Is The Work Of Your Life… but you are SO used to being told how you really feel, and what you really think, or what you SHOULD think or feel, and what you SHOULD do, that you don’t even trust your own feelings anymore.
So then you may ask yourself: How do I know what’s even true for me?? Not for anyone else, but for ME? And why should I trust that?? Why should I trust that over “smarter”, “savvier” or “more experienced” people??
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And to that I offer you the following:
You will know what is true for you by what feels good to you. By what lights you up. By what makes you happy. Not by what SHOULD make you happy, or what MIGHT make you happy, but what DOES. Right NOW. Not in the past, or the future, but right now at this time in your life. That may sound overly simplistic to you, but what I can tell you is that simplicity… is your TRUTH.
The overwhelming, confusing, cacophony of if’s, and’s and but’s that follows is just the noise your mind invents to distract you from following this truth.
Right about now you’re probably thinking: Why should I trust that? I mean for god sakes people can feel happy when they’re in denial and telling themselves a nice story about things! You can feel good when you’re believing all kinds of things!
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And to that I offer you the following:
The part of you that makes that argument is the one that is still living in a black and white model of reality where there is a RIGHT way, and a WRONG way, and in that model you will probably not be able to really trust yourself. Because that model of reality is one of fixed destination arrival vs. a model where life is a unique and unrepeatable journey for every living soul.
The fixed destination model of reality insists that there is one right and good way to be or see things, and you must be that way NOW, and so should others! And you beat yourself and others up for not being how they “should” be, or seeing what they “should see”. But reality doesn’t work that way.
The reality of life is a never-ending journey of constant learning, growth and change. In that model, what is true for you now, what lights you up now, what makes you happy now, is simply part of that trajectory of learning, growth, and change. In other words, it is right for you RIGHT NOW. It is an essential part of the journey of your life and it is intimately tied to where your heart and soul longs to go! Not where other people’s hearts and souls long to go… but YOURS.
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Believing there is one right and wrong way for yourself or others to be will always need defending, and it will always require you to be at war with yourself and others. But acceptance of what currently IS in the never ending flow of the journey of your life, does not.
It is appropriate and RIGHT that you find out what is true for you — what is right for you, RIGHT NOW — and that you give yourself permission to do so. Even (and especially) in comparison to your MOST respected teachers and heroes—and that includes friends, family, etc.
So why should you trust yourself and what’s true for you over “smart” or “more experienced” people who know the way that works and has worked for them??
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Because, as was just alluded to inside the very question itself, they know the way FOR THEM. Their model and means is based on what THEY want, who THEY are, what THEY think, feel, and believe and what agrees with them and their values. It’s built on THEIR mental model of reality, and THEIR hopes and dreams.
You could do it their way, but you might not like the result because the result was not based on who YOU are, what YOU want, how YOU think, feel, and believe, and YOUR hopes and dreams—which are utterly unique to you! Even if it’s the same or similar end result that you desire, the many details of how that fits into your life and what that looks like is going to be completely unique to you.
That is why you should trust yourself over even the most impressive others.
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This does not mean you cannot learn from mentors and teachers, receive MANY gifts from them, and have your own personal hero’s! Teachers and hero’s help us learn and grow, but they should always just be sign posts, pointing you back to YOU and your truths.
After all, all they did was to trust themselves and to find out what was true for them and do that, so you can take their pointers to help you do the same for you, but in a way that’s true to YOU, not to them.
The key to all this is of course in letting go of the idea that there is a final destination you arrive at where everything is perfect, right, good and DONE for the rest of your life, amen. Because as long as you believe that, EVERYTHING else you move through will fall short and be “wrong” and not good enough, and that includes, well… EVERYTHING! Because no one is at that final destination. NO ONE. It doesn’t exist.
If you accept yourself as part of this never ending flow of life, however, you will allow yourself to not only find out who you are and what you want and need, but you will be able to actually enjoy the experience of BEING that, right here and now.
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In this way you don’t trust in fixed ideas of yourself, but in yourself as an ever-changing flow and unique expression of life itself. And you don’t have to DEFEND that kind of trust.
That kind of trust allows you to be as you are, and allows that to be enough, right now. All you have to do is allow yourself to find what you love, what feels right to you right now, and to follow it!
If you’re trying to guard against failure or being “wrong”… give it up. Just give it up right now. It’s too painful for you to carry, so just put that burden down.
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Failures are par for the course, expect them like you expect rainy days, they are not the pitfalls they’re made out to be, they are the very stepping stones that take you across the river!
That doesn’t mean they don’t hurt… but when we give ourselves permission to fail, we also finally give ourselves permission to succeed.
P.S. If you’d like to work with me on trusting yourself so you can create success on your own terms, check out my Feast or Famine No More Course, where we do exactly that every month of the year » Get started today »
