Want to listen to this instead? Read or listen below…
Dismantling The Pain Pedestal: A Cozy Revolution In Progress 😅😂😆
Let’s take a moment to lovingly unravel a very popular belief, if you’ve been in my sphere for awhile you’ll know this is one I regularly revisit because it’s EVERYWHERE getting re-enforced into our being every day despite our valiant attempts at the opposite 😅…
It’s a big one. A loud one! One that’s been living rent-free in my head for most of my life (and maybe yours too) and that is:
Pain = Growth.
Sound familiar?
This idea is deeply embedded in our culture, and for many of us, it’s been a kind of religion. We hear it all the time, in different forms:
“No pain, no gain!”
“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.”
“Growth only happens outside your comfort zone.”
And while there CAN be truth in that… I invite you to ask: is that the only truth? What OTHER possibilities are here at the same time?
Because it’s one of those ideas that gets handed to us as absolute truth. It’s everywhere—books, movies, memes, marketing, you name it. And listen, sometimes it is true. Pain can absolutely lead to growth. But does it always?
Let’s find out!
I used The Work of Byron Katie—one of my favorite inner tools—to lovingly interrogate this belief 😂😆🕵️🔎. What opened up for me (as usual) was wild… and honestly, a little embarrassing (hello, pain pedestal! my dear old friend 😅), but mostly, it was freeing…
Question 1: Is it true? (that pain = growth)
This is usually the knee jerk subconscious response: “Yes. Totally!
It feels true. I can find examples. Lots of ‘em.”
It feels true. I can find examples. Lots of ‘em.”
Question 2: Can I ABSOLUTELY Know That Is True?
Can I absolutely, from the really zoomed out view, KNOW that pain equals growth? No. No I cannot. I just know it’s something I’ve believed.
And the moment I feel that “no” in my body… something loosens. Something opens (as it always does when I question my beliefs), like I’ve just cracked open a window in a stuffy room I didn’t even know I was in.
Question 3: How do I react when I believe that thought?
Oh, buddy. Buckle up! 😅
When I believe “pain equals growth,” and I value growth (which I doooo!), I unconsciously start valuing… pain. 😬 (and when I value pain I will create more of it in order to reap the rewards I believe it brings, which is growth)
- When I believe pain = growth, I brace for impact.
- I expect pain.
- I chase growth while simultaneously being terrified of it, because I think pain’s coming with it! I have to when I believe that pain = growth!
- I make pain meaningful.
- I pedestal suffering. 🙈
- I secretly (and not-so-secretly) judge ease as… lesser. 🤦🏻♀️
- Like people who aren’t in constant discomfort must not be as wise or as deep or as serious about life. 😳😮🙈
- Yikes, right?? But it’s IN THERE with this programming.
And then I wonder why I feel stuck, exhausted, or low-key allergic to ease.
It’s because PART OF ME (despite all my intentional years of reprogramming to the opposite) still thinks that ease = shallow, and pain = transformation. To that conditioned part of my mind, (who still believes this script, and see’s it all around her in the world) that is real.
So when I believe this thought that pain = growth, I end up dancing with pain longer than necessary.
Analyzing it. Dissecting it. Trying to squeeze every last drop of growth-juice from it. 😅😂😆😰
It’s like… what if I just let pain be pain? And let growth be growth? And what if I opened to the opposite being even more true? (we’re going there next)
Question 4: Who would I be without this belief?
If I had never been taught “pain equals growth”…? If I had just landed on the planet and someone told me that and I was like “what?? what do you mean pain = growth?? why?” 👽🧐
- I’d be lighter. Calmer. More curious.
- I’d stop assigning value to suffering like it’s a trophy.
- I’d stop needing things to hurt in order for them to matter.
- I’d stop making things harder than they need to be.
- I’d allow growth to feel natural. Gentle. Even joyful.
(What a concept! lol)
The Turn Around: Let’s turn it around…
“Pain does NOT equal growth.”
- Yes. this is absolutely just as true:
- Babies grow. Trees grow. Hair and nails grow. Flowers grow. There’s no visible agony involved. 😄😁
- I’ve grown in fits of laughter.
- I’ve grown through kindness and gentleness.
- I’ve grown while sitting in the sun doing absolutely nothing.
- I’ve grown through spontaneous insights, far more often.
- Sometimes pain actively blocks growth.
- Sometimes I’m in too much pain to open, to receive, to expand.
- Sometimes pain keeps me from growing (fearing more pain!)
Turn It Around AGAIN:
“Comfort equals growth.” 🤯😳😭😮💨
“Comfort equals growth.” 🤯😳😭😮💨
Whattt?? lol Hold the PHONE!!? ☎️ YES. Let’s see how this could be just as true or truer…
- When people are comfortable, they feel SAFE, and they open.
- When I feel supported (ie comfortable), I bloom!
- Some of my deepest growth has happened in moments of comfort—not discomfort! 🤯
- In stillness. In softness. In gentleness and kindness.
- In conversations that didn’t hurt at all.
- In that moment when I realized I didn’t have to prove anything to anyone anymore.
- Comfort is absolutely fertile ground for transformation. In fact to me, it is the MOST fertile ground of ALL. Because when I feel supported I allow myself to grow.
- Because comfort helps us stay with ourselves, with our process, with the way things feel best to us, so we can stay with our life. I notice this in my clients too, when they feel comfortable and like they get to be themselves, they allow themselves to grow.
So what if…
Growth is natural.
Utterly INEVITABLE.
Already happening.
Utterly INEVITABLE.
Already happening.
What if I don’t have to chase it, force it, or bleed for it? 😂
What if ease is allowed? 😌
What if joy is valid?
What if growth could be… fun? 😍💞
What if joy is valid?
What if growth could be… fun? 😍💞
I’m here for the expansion of that reality. 😌🥰💖💕
How about you?
How about you?
And if you’re ready to explore that kind of paradigm shift—one where multiple truths exist at once and your emotional states hold the keys to whole new worlds—I’d love to invite you into my newest drop Alternate Realities: Creating & Navigating The Multiverse
It’s part course, part experience, part inner travel, part cosmic experiment in seeing your life in an entirely new way. lol
It’s for the you who’s ready to stop fighting and start flowing. To stop proving and start playing.
To stop struggling your way into your growth and becoming—and start choosing it, with more deep trust and love (and all the ease that comes with that deep trust and love) than ever in your life before.
I offer that because that is my deep dedication and continual choice and commitment to myself — expanding that field of ease, ESPECIALLY in the face of the seeming opposite — it is what I trust the most because it is what has created the beautiful life and business all around me, and I celebrate every new level of that unfolding. If that sounds a lot like you too…
I’ll see you there!
Big love to you sweet pea’s,
xo,
