xo,
Sunni
There’s a part of me, who has been very near and dear for such a long time, that is leaving now. I see her across the moors from me, standing, her dark cape rippling in the wind. She looks at me lovingly and steps back, disappearing into the fog.
Though it seems we are parting, we are actually merging. She is integrating, because her job is now complete.
She came to me when I needed to fight and overcome, when I needed courage and determination to rise above, when I needed her powerful call to glory to sustain me as I grew ever-closer to myself. And to lead the charge in all these inner battles.
But like all hero’s, a time comes when the war that was waged has been won, and the hero exits the scene—only to return when they’re needed. They were not meant to live amongst the world of the everyday.
I recognized recently it was time for her to go, when I realized I was holding onto the struggle. Holding onto the story and identity of myself as someone in the constant fight to overcome, to BECOME, to be rising from the ashes like a phoenix, to become something greater and something more—and in doing so CREATING a lot of fire and ashes to rise from!—before I am finally good enough to receive.
She came here to show me my true face.
And she will return here every time that I forget it.
But she doesn’t need to stay and keep looping in perpetual battle, just so I can feel like my victories are hard-won. So when I saw my attachment to this story, and therefor my attachment to constant struggle in order to feel like I’m worthy of reaching a never-ending goal, I had to let it go.
Not the GOAL (that is mine to keep), but the BATTLE to reach it, and the impression I will do or become something that is finally, somehow, enough.
Instead, I simply embody this power, the power that the hero reminded me I have. The worthiness and power that’s been here hidden, all along. Her fight was only ever to show me that—so I could come home to that, and live it from now on.
After the power has been reclaimed by the hero, and they have learned how to wield it, it becomes effortless and natural, they no longer need to PROVE they have the power, or struggle to believe in their own power anymore. It is KNOWN, accepted, and integrated, and all manner of abundance emerges from that knowing.
So I can let it be easy now. I can lay down my sword. If and when I need to remember who I am, and overcome, she will be there… emerging from out of the mist in my heart… any time that I need her. But I don’t need to stay in battle, nor stay in an ever-present underlying readiness for battle.
It is time to live in plenty and in peace. I have chosen to truly come home… despite any and all uncertainty. Despite any evidence to the contrary. I have chosen to embody a different kind of trust.
And in that, a new way of being is born. One where I get to look at, and invite in all of the alternate ways I can experience the things I love that the hero gave me, like: aliveness, joy, wonder, triumph, awe and the spirit of adventure—all states of being I love and do not want to part with! But I can experience every one of those states through things that feel good and easy and natural.
There are so many other things that make me feel those ways besides struggle and fight. Like the wind on my face, birds flying by the sea, my feet in the sand, swimming in the river, planting something and watching it grow, writing something and seeing what emerges, working with photographs, taking a trip, creating something new, the list goes on and on.
I’ve had all those things before, but I never believed they were enough to make me feel truly held and supported, financially, and in every other way. But they ARE. The more of me I become and accept, the more I relax into the natural ease of that, the more those things do provide, in every way.
What benefits do you feel from your struggles? How are they giving you a cherished feeling you don’t want to let go? And how else might you invite those feelings in a way that feels like freedom instead of like a fight?
The one caveat to making the things you love the most be the things that pay you, is you have to continually work on your blocks and beliefs that tell you that you cannot have it that good, or that easy, that it is not right for you to, that it is bad, or that you are bad for wanting it… because those things will block you from letting that in until you see what’s in the way, and clear it out.
But you’re in luck because that’s my specialty, if you’d like to work on making what you love the most be the thing that pays you, I invite you to my Feast or Famine No More Course & Membership where we do exactly that »
