Breaking Free

Every now and again I still question why I feel called to speak to people about money mindset, and I doubt myself and whether or not I really need to do that. Or whether or not I really WANT to do that at all.

Because the truth is some days it’s really hard, and really lonely. Because most people don’t want to look at this. Because they have a lot of pain around it. And even if they do want to look at it, they want to hide it from other people, and from the world. And I know that, because I was one of them.

Some days I’d rather just tell people how amazing and worthy they truly are and cheer them on, and spread love that way. To soothe their pain and not make them feel less-than, or behind in any way (because they’re not!).

Those days I’d rather focus on love, and how I can best just share love with the world… because love is the most important thing I could share, and I know this. Always have.

But then I remember.

I remember myself as a little girl, wanting so much, but seeing how much pain money caused all the people around her. Money equaled pain. Money equaled suffering. Money equaled stress and comparison and blame. Money equaled fighting and powerlessness and hurt. And yet it was the very thing that supported, nourished and provided for us. The very thing that took care of us. It was the very thing that gave us the freedoms and fun that we DID get to have.

I remember that money seemed to also equal safety, security and love for SOME people … but that only certain people got that, only the lucky few, and we weren’t one of them. And we would never be.

Which reminds me of children and adults all over the world, learning that they are somehow not as loved and supported as others, and never will be. To them, that means that they are somehow not deserving of that. Somehow less-than, and always will be.

That because they didn’t have access to more-than-enough, they never will. And never can. That they have no power to change this, because deep deep down… they believe they simply aren’t worthy or deserving of that kind of love and support.

At this point, money becomes an enemy. Money becomes a villain. And necessarily so… because the pain of thinking that it is in fact good, but that you can’t have it, means you are not good. And so our minds do the kindest thing for us, and protect us by making money bad, so that we can return ourselves to knowing we are good (because we ARE).

But unfortunately this widens the gap. The gap that is between us and the support we came out of the womb knowing we were fully deserving of, which is TOTAL support. Total, more-than-enough, infinite stream of abundance for all we could want or need kind of support. We came through knowing this, but it gets eroded over time and circumstance.

 When I remember all this, I remember that speaking about money *IS* speaking love—whether or not people may see that.

Because allowing ourselves to have, and to move towards the financial support that we want, is an act of loving ourselves. And to deny ourselves that desire, and to repress it, is to continually punish that child within who knew their extraordinary power and place in this universe. Because your desire for abundance is a natural and beautiful part of you, just like every other part of you.

And besides, what I’ve come to realize is that speaking about what I feel called to speak about, is an act of loving ME. And loving me is the key to living the free and joy filled, incredible life I came here to live.

And when I am doubting that, it is never love, wisdom or clarity doubting that, it is fear. And I inflict that fear on myself like a punishment that says “STAY DOWN. SHUT UP. YOU ARE CAUSING PEOPLE DISCOMFORT BY BEING YOURSELF.”

We think we want to break free from certain circumstances, and we do, but what we REALLY want to break free from is the box we put ourselves into that we think we cannot go beyond.

We want to remember that we are powerful and limitless and that we are not at the mercy of what has been handed to us. That we are creators… created… creating. 

We want to break free from all that holds us back from ALL of who we are. And we CAN. And we WILL.

So today, I say again to that fearful part of me:  “NO. I will stand up. I will speak up. Whatever discomfort my words may inadvertently cause PALES in comparison to the pain of them not loving all of who they are, and allowing their desires and needs for safety, security and abundance to be met. It PALES in comparison to the pain of feeling powerless and disconnected from real love.”

Your dreams… those dreams you carry for your life… when you suppress them, you suppress YOU. You suppress your very soul. And ALL OF YOU deserves love and acceptance. ALL OF YOU.

I had to ask myself today… if I had all the money in the world and never needed to make another dollar, would I still want to talk about money mindset?

And my answer is that the WAY in which I share might change, the WAY in which I spread the message of empowerment and abundance might shift, but I will ALWAYS share inspiration and encouragement towards people’s deservingness, worthiness and ability to have what they love and want in this life.  And how I know that, is that I ALWAYS HAVE.

I’ve done it in a thousand ways, and through a thousand means, but I have always done that on some level and I always will.

Helping people de-villianize and recognize money as absolutely natural, neutral and infinitely available to them like water, is just one way. But it’s a way I recognize as absolutely needed in this world that teaches us painful lessons of separation around money.

Helping people reclaim their own unique path to freedom, by honoring who they truly are and what they truly want is another way. And that is a way that is sorely needed too in this world that often teaches us there is just one way to what we want and only certain paths that we can follow.

Helping people see their own unique gifts and value captured and reflected back to them through design and brand consulting is yet another way. Holding space for them to hear what they already know they really want and need is another.

So I am breaking free of this idea I’ve carried that money, focusing on money, talking about money, caring about money, and receiving money is not a valuable and lovable part of who I am. To pretend that that is not true about me is too painful, and I am not willing to pass that pain on to other women ANY MORE.

This cycle of shame with money stops with me. And I WILL honor my call to talk about it as long as I feel called to do so. And I truly hope it serves you, but honestly, it’s for me. 

They say you teach what you most need to know. And this is what I need. So I’m giving it to me. 

What is something you need that you can give yourself starting today? What is a cycle you want to break? 

xo,

Sunni