Are you trying to create more ease in your business? An easier flow of clients? An easier flow of the right clients? More ease in getting exposure? More ease in your money flow? More growth with more ease? More ease and more joy all around??
I feel ya.
I’ve been working on that too… with mixed results. And you want to know why?? It’s not because of talent, capability, connections or anything else. It has to do with what conflicting beliefs are going on about actually HAVING ease in your life. So some results are great because you have some positive beliefs and expectations about that, and some results not so much because you expect something totally different.
Here’s how that looks in real time:
I say I want, and value, ease… but I also value love, approval and belonging. And I can’t help but notice that when people have it easy in this world, other people REALLY, REALLY don’t like it.
They don’t just “not like it”, they RESENT THE HELL OUT OF IT, and resent those people. They judge them, and shame them, either to their face, or behind their back. They might even actively hate them. And I, like the rest of you, was raised in this world and culture where I learned to be a good girl, and to make sure people were pleased with me, and liked me, and loved me at all times. That was how I made myself safe.
I didn’t want to be misunderstood as… god forbid… having it easy.
It repulsed me when I saw people having it easy. Getting all their needs met without struggle or strife! Being supported and taken care of like they deserved it and like it was so easy?!! I resented the hell out of it too!
So now… I NEED people to understand that I have it hard. And that I have always had it hard. And that I am not safe and I am still in danger and in need too. And so that’s how I can deserve to have a little bit of ease maybe. That’s how I can deserve to have my needs and wants abundantly met – if people know that I do NOT have it easy.
And so what do I do when I need people to understand that I have it hard, and I have to struggle with the best of em’, and I am not taken care of, and I am not safe either, and it is not easy for me??? … I’ll tell you what I do…
I make DAMN sure that I AM in struggle, that it IS hard for me, that I AM working hard for it to prove myself all the time, and that I do NOT get to relax and feel supported by life, by the universe, by other people, or by anything else… because I don’t want to be hated, judged, discarded, discounted or talked about behind my back or to my face.
I am being perfectly blunt with you here, because it’s the truth. This happens subconsciously of course, I don’t THINK or PLAN on doing this, it just happens through my subconsciously driven actions, behaviors and patterns.
So what that looks like in life & business might be:
- choosing to do the kind of work that burns you out instead of lights you up.
- making things harder than they need to be.
- doing things that are draining and exhausting that you could easily say no to, choose not to do, or ask for help with.
- creating a lot of internal worry, stress, or struggle to compensate for how easy things are feeling on the outside – or vice versa! – creating a lot of external struggle to compensate for how easy things are feeling on the inside.
- knowing exactly what you want to do that would feel better in your business, but putting it off endlessly, hanging onto the way it’s always been.
- hanging onto ways of doing things or aspects of your business that you know people already love and accept you for, instead of the thing you really want to do.
- making the operations easy, but then creating a bunch of stress and strife with marketing. Or making the marketing easy, and creating a bunch of stress and strife in operations. Or making both easy, and creating a bunch of stress and strife in your relationships, etc. etc.
I know what you’re thinking, because it’s the same thing I used to think:
“Why on earth would I create struggle for myself?! I am not resisting ease, I am actively inviting it! I am doing all the things! I am committed to it!! And I am NOT resisting that, I WANT my business and life to be easier, that is NOT what’s going on!! Why on earth would I do that subconsciously or otherwise??” I know, I hear you! It doesn’t make any sense! But I’ll tell you why…
because it’s all you’ve ever known.
I’m afraid it’s as simple as that. When you’ve worked your whole life trying to make sure people love you… when you’ve had to hustle to get your needs met at every step of the way… you re-create that in everything you do, business or non-business. Because it’s simply the pattern of living you are used to.
You are used to having to struggle and to PROVE and to EARN your worth and right to be here and be SUPPORTED… and so you just go on re-creating that struggle, in ever increasingly tricky ways.
So how do we change it??
By first being AWARE of it. That alone will move mountains and start to get the ball rolling in a whole new direction. To more consciously and permanently change this pattern in your life though? It requires consciously committing to doing so, it requires DECIDING that you are GOING to change this old pattern and start truly inviting a different level of ease and care and support (financial and otherwise) into your life and businesses. It requires setting that intention and sticking to it and dealing with the road blocks that get in the way of that.
And if you’re looking for specific ways to do that, and to build that practice into your life…
I invite you to check out my Feast or Famine No More Course & Membership if it feels right and is calling to you. It is one way that you can start to invite more freedom and ease into your body, your business and your bank account… by doing the inner discovery that will pay you back dividends the rest of your life. Join me!