xo,
Sunni
If the phrase “I want” is triggering for you… and it would make you more comfortable to say “I need”, then you probably have a deep belief that says, “I don’t get what I want”. And because I don’t get what I want, I simply won’t ask for anything I want. I’ll just be satisfied with what I GET, or need, to get by.
Most of us believe you don’t get what you want in life, you get what you get, and you be grateful for it. You put on a happy face, no matter how you feel, no matter what you REALLY wanted, and you be grateful. You just be grateful.
“Don’t be a spoiled brat” … you might be hearing that in your head right about now. And you might also sometimes see people getting what they want, or talking about what they want, and feel both repulsed by them, and simultaneously magnetized to them at the exact same time.
Because there is wanting in you.
Whether you like it or not.
There are dreams and desires and passions in you, there are things you love, and things you’d like to experience in this life, both material and immaterial, and your heart is calling you to them, calling you to give yourself permission to pursue them, to go after them, or just to call them in… but you shut it down.
Because it’s too painful to open up to. Because what if you get disappointed?? What if it doesn’t work out?? What if you really CAN’T ever have it, and you try and fail?? So you decide to protect yourself from that hurt by just shutting down the possibility all together. That way you can shield yourself from heartbreak.
But you can’t, because your heart is already broken about this. Maybe not on a level you consciously recognize, but deep inside you’re in a secret pain.
It might feel like you have this deep inexplicable guilt and shame in you, and you feel like you’re just “bad” on some level… but can’t really pinpoint why. Because you have this unacknowledged wanting in you, and you believe that wanting to be “bad” on some level that you’ve suppressed and denied… but you still know it’s in there. You might not tell anyone about it, but that wanting is in there, and you know it. So of course you feel “bad”, when you believe that’s bad and it’s in you!
Maybe you even see it as something evil, because that’s what you’ve been taught. You’ve been taught that saints are wantless and needless, and if you were a truly good person you’d be wantless and needless too. So you shove it down, and shove it down, and hope that one day you will JUST BE GRATEFUL for what you have. Because if you were a good girl, and a good person, and good child of the universe then you’d just be grateful… right??
Wrong. You are the universe, darlin. So it’s the heart of the universe you’re really shutting down. But I’ll get to that later.
Besides, the truth is you ARE grateful. You really ARE so grateful for so much. For so very, VERY much! But you want more.
The calls of your heart won’t stop calling. You’re not picking up, but they won’t quit calling. Calling you to imagine that you could live in abundance instead of lack. To imagine that you could have more than “just enough”. That you could actually have the things you most want.
You are grateful, yes, AND you want more freedom to choose. To choose what you want, and not just what you “can get”. You are so thirsty for it! And so guilty for being so thirsty!
Or so tired because you really don’t feel thirsty at all, you’re so used to telling yourself you’re not thirsty that you don’t even realize you’re thirsty anymore, you believe it, and meanwhile your body is positively PARCHED and it feels so exhausting and heavy, like depression.
Because you never wanted to hurt or disappoint other people with how much you wanted, so you decided to take the hurt and disappointment on yourself instead. You would take it on, and swallow it down, so they wouldn’t have to. That is how big your heart is, and that is how big your love is—that you would ingest the poison instead.
But it doesn’t work. Because your heart wants you to be free, and it’s not taking no for an answer. It wants you to WAKE UP to the lies of scarcity and fear and remember your power and abundance. And NOTHING ELSE WILL DO. It wants you to stop drinking poison, because you’re not protecting anybody with that, you’re simply passing it on. Because toxicity is toxic no matter where you put it. It will pass from you to everything you touch and right back around. The only way to stop it is to stop saying yes to it, and thus stop the cycle with you.
So your small seeming wanting’s for those seemingly small things (or great big things!) is so much more than it seems, it’s about so much more than it seems, but it will present itself to you in the form of material things.
The material IS the spiritual and vice versa, there is nothing that is NOT life itself, god itself, the universe, energy, whatever you care to call it. It is all you, and it is all yours for the taking and you were BORN to dream and create and have every little thing your heart desires to support you, and anyone who tells you that that is selfish or misguided is simply living under the illusion of scarcity that we have all been taught.
You having more does not take from another, that is the lie of scarcity. And that is the very lie that all hoarding and greed is built on! The idea that there is a limited pie and you gotta grab and protect your share at all costs. And it is high time for that lie to die. That lie has kept us all in powerlessness and fear and shame and war with eachother for too long.
There is not some set pile sitting somewhere being divied up, it is a literal energy stream, an energy stream that is represented by numbers and paper and metals and materials of all kinds, which are also energy. Energy circulates and expands, it is infinitely renewable, it is created and re-created, it does not die. Everything is made of this, and money and all material things are just ONE form that it takes. You and me are another.
There is a perfect metaphor to illustrate this that I heard recently: in the old model of the physical world when you wanted to buy music you would buy a CD, someone would have a stack of CD’s and when you would buy one there would be one less CD (i.e. – a limited pile). In the new model when you want to buy music you buy a mp3 (or whatever digital file type), and when you do so, there is not one less mp3, there is actually one MORE mp3, that has been instantly created to replace the old one.
In reality nothing is being replaced, there are just literally UNLIMITED copies of the mp3 available. It will never run out. Because there is no stockpile. The same metaphor can be used with our old model of power production, using limited resources to generate power and then fighting over those resources, when there is literally infinitely available power that can be harnessed and used for all manner of things, coming right out of our sky, for free, every minute of the day! The power of the sun is freely infinitely available and people just are learning how to harness it, more and more that’s all.
All this to say… you don’t need to shut your wanting down anymore. You are not only allowed to want things, and want more, you are encouraged and expected to, because it is your life blood, it is part of your adventure and path, and when you embrace that, whatever that is for you, you are expanding that circulation for all of us to enjoy.
You know this when you look at those who have dreamed bigger than they had any right to, and broke the old rules, and changed the game. And deep down you know you’re a game-changer too, and that the old rules are going to keep breaking, and the game is going to keep changing.
So thank you.
Thank you for your contribution. Thank you for your huge heart, and your huge wants, and your huge feelings, and your huge aspirations… you are making this world a better place just by unshackling yourself from these ancient invisible chains. The ripple effect of that is incalculable.
Keep following that gorgeous heart and soul of yours and don’t you ever stop. Dream on, sweet pea… dream on. 💖✨
And if you want to join me and other big dreamers in making all your dreams come true, check out my Feast or Famine No More Course & Membership » and see if it calls to you.
