Many times in business and in life we get asked to give of our time and services. Often this comes in the form of people asking for free work, or discounts, or perhaps some kind of ‘mutually beneficial’ collaboration. And when that happens, you may feel conflicted and confused, and you may wonder to yourself something like the following:
“HOW do I give from the heart and help people which is a GENUINE and REAL desire of mine and still honor my own intuition, red flags, boundaries and pricing? How do I know if it’s a real desire to help and give, or when it’s just the ego playing tricks and making self-sabotage and abandonment of my own rules and boundaries sound like a good loving thing to do?!”
And to that I say: Guilt and/or shame. That’s how you know.
If you feel propelled to give because of any feelings of guilt or shame in you, that is not real giving. That is an attempt to be “good”. It is not from your overflow place, it is not from abundance. It is from a place of lack and scarcity. And that will always lead to more lack.
That is why those things never work out, because they are resulting in the same energy they were born out of: lack.
Just think about any time you’ve compromised your needs and boundaries to try to “help” from a place of scarcity, guilt or lack in you… how that work out??
When you feel INSPIRED to give, you feel lit up inside, you feel love, warmth, appreciation, you feel a smile in your heart or maybe even a fire in your belly for a cause, but you do not feel guilt or shame.
Guilt or shame are coming from a place of lack, not of love, and as such they will always only create more of the same. So you must learn to recognize this difference in you.
When you honor your own needs for yourself (rules / boundaries), you are loving yourself as JUST as important as the other, and as worthy of having your needs met as the other, and when you are EQUALLY as important as the other ANY giving you are inspired to do will automatically be from love, not from lack. And as such will CREATE more love, not more lack.
This is why you feel resentment when you give from a lack place. You started with a feeling of “owing” something (to the other person in this case), and so of course it ends up feeling like you are now “owed” something that you didn’t get. When you start with lack, you end with lack. Lack breeds more lack.
Love yourself enough to treat your needs as important as the other and all your giving will be naturally inspired and flow in the ways it was meant to, and it will create MORE abundance in turn, since that is the principle you started with, that is what will magnify.
Pro Tip: if you find it hard to say no to people, ask yourself who taught you you don’t get to say no? When we are kids we don’t get to say no. And we get guilted and shamed into doing what we don’t want to. But we are not kids anymore, you get to say what you need now. You get to say yes when you mean yes. You get to say no when you mean no.
And as always, if you’d like to work with me on creating more money, more time and more freedom on your terms… join us in my Feast or Famine No More Course »