October 10, 2021

Making Decisions

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I don’t know about you, but I need near daily reminder that when it comes to making choices and decisions in your life, there is no ultimate “right” or “wrong” way to go. Because that depends entirely on what it is you’re trying to do and create in your life.
 
 
You can hold yourself up endlessly questioning whether something you are choosing, or have chosen, or want to choose is “right” or “wrong”, when really, there is no such thing. There is no such black or white answer. There is only what moves you closer-to or further away from what it is you are trying to do or create here.
 
 
For example: if I have an intention to live in love and peace, ease and joy and effortless abundance, freedom and deep overflowing sweetness and intimacy with life/the divine, and if that is what I have chosen to live and create in my lifetime here on earth, then all of my decisions and choices will need to be ones that move me towards that intention.
 
 
And I will know if they are moving me towards that intention by whether or not they FEEL like any of those things.
 
 
That does not mean I will always succeed in choosing things that are in alignment with that intention, but it does mean I will be more AWARE of it when I do not. And I will be able to choose again.
 
 
That happens all the time! Because I, like most of you, have a societally conditioned pattern of trying to use stress and urgency, shame and criticism, and not-love (the OPPOSITE of all the things I am trying to create) in order to CREATE no-stress, no-urgency, no-shame and greater love. As IF I could use one to create and experience the other. 
 
 
And when I catch myself in that old pattern (which happens often), I get to choose again. I get to choose what actually FEELS like what I am trying to create.
 
 
All day every day I will be faced with decisions and choices, from career choices and business decisions, to simple responses and reactions in my relationships—not just to the people around me—but to my own feelings and emotions, to money, to the current reality, and more.
 
 
Asking myself whether any of those choices are “right” or “wrong” leads to nothing but an endless spiral of conjecture, justifying and defending in order to try to fit myself into someone else’s reality and what THEY might be trying to do or create. It goes nowhere, unless you intend to live your life to please and appease other people’s view of you. And if that is the case, god be with you, because it is a battle you cannot win.
 
 
It is a battle you cannot win because other peoples views of you are all over the map and subject to change at any given moment. Just like your own views of yourself in your own head (in case you haven’t noticed). 
 
 
How we view ourselves is how we view others, and that’s okay, because they are not obliged to live by your truths of the world, nor are YOU obliged to live by theirs.
 
 
Another example of this is: if what you’re trying to do is raise yourself (or another human) to be a responsible, well-adjusted, productive, achieving member of society, then you are going to make a lot of very different choices and decisions towards that goal than someone who is trying to raise themselves (or another human being) to feel loved and more deeply at peace with themselves and the world, and to follow and trust their own heart and souls truths.
 
 
Neither of these goals is right or wrong, they are just two different objectives, that will lead to very different choices and decisions.
 
 
So I have some homework for you this week if you are open to it (don’t worry, there’s no busy work involved):
 
 
1. Pay closer attention to how things you see make you FEEL. Pay attention to how they FEEL instead of what these people or things SAY. Not how does it feel to someone else, how does it feel to YOU?
 
 
2. Notice any self-talk around decisions that sounds like: “this feels more urgent and pressing and kind of stressful, so it must be the ‘right’ way to do things.”
 
 
3. Notice where that self-talk tells you that anything that feels like your intentions of love, peace, ease or joy is totally ineffective at practical matters and cannot be trusted for “real life”. Challenge that assumption.
 
 
4. Notice how that assumption indicates a clear pattern of operating belief that stress and urgency = effectiveness. And that stress and urgency = “real life”. Challenge that assumption. 
 
 
5. With each decision, remind yourself what you are trying to create in your life. How do you want your life to FEEL? Which decisions move you into that feeling NOW?
 
 
Let me know how it goes. I love to hear your insights and aha’s. Hit reply to tell me about them.
 
 

 

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