xo,
Sunni
Want to listen to this instead? Read or listen below…
“It’s none of my business what other people value me for.”
That thought popped into my head the other day out of nowhere, and as soon as it did, I knew it was so on point. It was an answer from my higher self and guidance about something I’d been mulling over.
I had been thinking about an email someone wrote me, wherein they valued me more for what I used to do, then what I do now.
Do you have that going on in your life somewhere too? People valuing you for who you used to be, or what you used to do, more than what you’re moving into now??
It’s a thing! And of course it is.
There are things that all of us do, in business and in life, that we only did because “it’s what works”, and because it’s what other people approve of, like, love or just need or want us to do or be for them. And there comes a time, in every human life, when what we want to do and BE shifts, and we set about to make that change happen.
The decision to do that is step number one, but once you’ve decided, that shift is a PROCESS. The length of that process is how much inner resistance you have to becoming or doing that new thing! And this is a process that’s not to be rushed, it’s to be trusted.
That process is unique for each one of us, and its timing is aligned with the greater intelligence of your heart and soul. Its timing is perfect. But you will never see that until much later on, in hindsight.
That decision could be a pricing change, or a total change in the direction of your business or life. But once you make that decision, the process then becomes one of learning to value that decision, and value yourself doing or being that next thing.
In my life, that has looked like me shifting from being valued for what I DID (design, art direction, branding, strategy, website building and planning, etc. etc.) to what I SAID/THOUGHT (writing and helping people find and live in more love, freedom, abundance and joy).
It meant shifting from being paid for “what I CAN do” to being paid for what I love so freaking much that I would do it all day, everyday, whether anyone paid me or not (and have done it all day everyday whether people paid me or not for most of my life!). And that brought up a WHOLE LOT OF STUFF for me to field and move through.
One of which was other people continually validating and affirming my value only around what I used to do, instead of what I’m choosing NOW.
This happened in a thousand tiny ways, ways like previous clients saying, “but you’re so good at that!! but you’re so amazing at that!!” or saying no thanks to my consulting offers because they only wanted my design skills and now “on it” and responsive I was with getting things done.
Or people coming to me for help with an issue, but then saying no to my course (which I knew would help them with their issue), and wanting me to just fix their situation for them somehow (so they could skip over that all important ‘process’ I mentioned above and the inner shift I saw they needed).
The thing is, our conditioned mind (our ego, and our old pain) is always looking for evidence that we should stay the way we were and do the thing that works, that we always did, and that it’s not safe to change, and that you won’t be supported in your new direction, and it is collecting this evidence and focusing on it like it is it’s JOB. Cause it is. It is literally it’s job to do that!
But we can give it a NEW job. The job of finding and collecting evidence for the shift we are wanting to make.
On the day when this thought popped up (the one I opened this article with, that it’s none of my business what other people value me for), I had just received a glowing email from a former client, which touched my heart and I absolutely loved, but it also triggered me.
In it the person thanked me for the huge blessing my work had been to their business and for opening up their focus to see the true desires inside of them that they had not fully seen or allowed themselves to have before, but “mostly” for my amazing eye and touch with the website and flow of things.
And of course my ego/painbody zeroed RIGHT in on that last sentence and the word “mostly”… saying “see!! people only value you for design and for your previous work, not for this, and they never will!” Completely ignoring that the sentence DIRECTLY before that had praised me for my NEW work, which is helping people find and live their truest hearts desires, and for pointing out where they are not allowing themselves to have what they really want, so they can allow themselves to have what they really want, instead of trying to just do “what works”.
All that was happening in that moment was that I was looking at myself in the mirror here. She was a direct reflection of ME valuing me more for what I used to do, and believing more in what I used to do, than in what I’m transitioning into full time now.
It had nothing to do with her. It was all me. She was just the angel showing me where I am not believing in myself still.
As soon as I realized this, that’s when the thought popped up “it’s none of my business what people other people value me for!” Because people value me for all kinds of different reasons that are totally unique to them and what they need, and what’s going on in their lives, and that’s their business! Not my business.
But my business is what *I* value. What I want to feel and experience in my life. What I want to try. What I want to do, and to be, and to make of my life. What I value is 100% my business, and I get to build my life around what I value. And so does everyone else.
To most of the world that sounds like madness. We have all been raised to believe that you do what works for other people, you find out what other people want from you, and you do that. That is how you make yourself safe, and provided for, and belong. We have been raised to believe we don’t have a choice about this. That we don’t get to choose. That we work from the outside-in, not the inside out.
But I work from the inside out. I build my life and business around what I value, I don’t try to build or extract my value from my business and life. And because of that, what I value is always front and center. It is what leads the way. And I don’t need ANYONE ELSE to understand that but me.
Why?? Because when I understand it, really and truly and deeply, and I own those values, and what I value in my life, and value myself for… my external reality shifts to match it. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME. Without exception.
Not without a bunch of kicking and screaming and resisting and falls on my face and all of the challenges and waves of processing that change that come with that first! But it ALWAYS does shift, in due time.
There’s nowhere you cannot go if you’re willing to take the ride to get there.
Just don’t kid yourself that it won’t be a ride, that’s all! And just because it’s a ride, doesn’t mean it can’t be fun and totally amazing. In fact because it’s a ride, fun and amazingness is guaranteed! And yah, you might feel like you’re gonna get sick sometimes, or be afraid you’re gonna die on some of those big dips in the journey, but you’re always okay, even then.
You don’t need to fight or defend against what other people value you for. You just need to decide what you value, and recognize that every time you see evidence of the opposite of that, it’s simply an opportunity for you to say to yourself:
“Okay, here I am. I am making this change, and I am doubting myself, and here’s my reflection of that inner doubt. Here’s me, trying to work from the outside-in, by thinking I need to change this persons mind instead of change my own mind! But I work from the inside out not the outside in! So thanks Life, for reminding me of that fact through this person and/or situation. Do I still want this change in my life? Yes? Then this is the perfect time for me to re-commit to my direction and re-affirm my intention that it doesn’t matter what other people value, here’s what I value, here’s what I choose to do. It’s not right or wrong, or good or bad, it’s just what I want and I’m giving that to me, and the more I value that in me, the more people I will find who value that too. And when I do that, I set others free to value what they value too, and have what THEY most need and want. And I want that for them! Because I want that for me.”
Re-affirm to yourself what you do and who you are NOW. The people who valued you for that other thing you did or were… they could only do so because you once believed you could be and do THAT! Now you’re believing you could be something else, and soon enough you’ll see the evidence of that too. Just give it time, space, patience, and most importantly: LOVE.
Give your past self love, give your present self love, and send love to whomever is not valuing you the way you want them to… because chances are they’re still struggling to love and value themselves through a change they want to see too.
Set yourself free, and you set us all free. 💞
And if you’d like to join me and others who are choosing to do that for themselves too, check out my Feast or Famine No More Course and see if it feels right for you »
