Over the past few years I have noticed something happening to me that I have just had more clarity on today, and I wanted to share it with you, in case this happens to you too (or starts happening to you).
Sometimes, when something makes me super happy or joyful, I start crying. This is not really ‘new’ I have been that way for a long time but…
Sometimes it’s just teary eyed, sometimes full on sob. 😭 But what has felt different the last few years is it happens in situations I wouldn’t expect it to, like sometimes it happens when I start dancing to a super upbeat pop song that’s come on, or when I sit down in bed with a tray of something yummy with Kenny and am watching Bob’s Burgers. Like I can see crying at like a magnificent sunset that takes your breath away or some beautiful thing in nature or animals (that happens to me all the time 😂) but this is like in these moments that are just simple or silly or fun or sweet and I should just be happy (and I am!) but then sobs just bubble up out of me like I can’t even help it! 😂💗
I know in those moments that I am just overwhelmed by the magnificence of life, and of love, and how truly and deeply and madly in love with it all I am, and how happy I am to just be here, and be alive, and be myself.
It’s like this divine wind that blows in to remind us how precious and fleeting this all is, and it is just too much for our little bodies to handle so it comes spilling out. 😂💞
But what occurred to me today when this happened, as I put on a song to dance for a few minutes, just to move my body and just for the fun of it, I got this image of a heart like a shell that cannot contain what’s inside and breaks open like a seed and spills all that love and joy out all over the place. And I understood that in that moment my capacity for joy had expanded beyond what it previously was, like the heart had to break open and release this pool of tears and whatever was associated with that to be able to allow in this fun, joy or happiness at all.
It’s like thousands of tiny memories and past events were pouring up and out and being released, without my mind needing to understand any of it. Clearing the way for the new.
You see… I am not used to this happiness.
I am not used to “fun”. I am not used to play, or to lightness. I have been very used to heaviness in my heart, and used to sadness, used to fear, used to stress, used to worry, used to dissatisfaction and frustration. But I am not used to dancing!
I am not used to this level of joy and dare I say “fun”, I never even used to use words like fun! And my body doesn’t even know what to do with it. Or rather it does know what to do with it…
It knows that what to do with it is let it break open that old shell of the previous size of my heart and expand it like that scene and image in the old Grinch movie by Dr. Seuss where his heart grows by 10 sizes and breaks the frame.
My being is expanding into uncharted territories. Territories that are not plagued with constant sadness and heaviness and cynicism and fear. Territories that are not full of swamps of sticky sweet sadness. Territories that feel like genuine happiness and fulfillment and there is part of me that is so unfamiliar with that that it’s scary!
Scary to feel it because I might lose it. Thrilling and exhilarating and also terrifying to feel it at all. And so it pushes up and breaks open the previous barriers of allowed joy and radiates out throughout my being, which expresses as tears in this moment that previously seemed so funny and light. 😆😂
My husband Kenny is so used to this by now, he’ll look over at me during dinner and see me with tears pouring down my face and won’t even blink at that. 😂 He just says “awww, sweetie.” and puts his hand on my back. 💞 Which makes me cry happy tears even more. 😂😆💗💞
I know this is a lot of mush for some of you, it’s frankly a lot of mush for me!! For my old self anyway. For the self that is transforming now. Transforming into this more joyful, delighted, fulfilled and happy being.
Today when this happened there was this other presence there and it said to me, “it’s okay sweetheart, it is safe for you to feel this much goodness. Don’t be afraid to let it in and let it pass through. Don’t try to hold it. Just let it flow through.”
This joy has nothing to do with my business, or life goals, and dreams, or money, or any of that, this joy had to do with dancing. And with a little girl in me who maybe thought she’d never dance like that again.
But she did. She is. And if you want that much joy, so will you.
Dancing like nobody’s watching. Cause literally nobody’s watching 😂🤣 But dancing my own metaphorical dance in this world like nobody’s watching too – with my work, my creations, my writings, my podcast, my sharing’s with you – and for THAT, people ARE watching. 🙈🥸🤣
And here I am…
still dancing. 💃🏽💞✨
If you resonate with this, it is just one gem that is bubbling up in me now because of my brand new Yummy Money Honey process and my Moth & Moon Oracleworkings each day. I can’t wait to hear what gets created, shifts, and comes up for you all as we go through these journeys together. If you’re feeling called, right now you can bundle them both together for a deep discount, add either one to your cart to see the bundle price. Moth & Moon begins May 1st! I am sooooo freaking excited about it! And Yummy Money Honey is a 4 day somatic / energetic experience that begins delivering to you straight away. 💗💞