April 23, 2023

The Thing Is Not The Thing

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You know that thing you are wrestling with in your reality?
That frustrating thing?
That pain the butt thing?
That thing that is making you angry or bitter?
That thing that is bugging and annoying you?
Well that’s not really the thing.
Whatever it is you’re wrestling with in your reality right now, it’s not actually that situation, person or event you’re actually wrestling with. It’s not the thing.
That thing is just a front, it’s an externalization of an internal struggle.
What you’re actually wrestling with is an old wound in you, or an old belief, an old perspective, and this thing is ready to be changed. And that’s why it’s coming up. It’s ready to shift in you, so it is presenting itself to you, so you can change it if you want to.
You think you’re struggling with the job, or the repairman, or the glitch in the software… but you’re really struggling with a deeper thing, a part of you that is wanting healing and resolve, a part of you that is wanting something to be different.
Let’s say you have an air conditioning repairman out to your house to repair your air conditioner. And the repairman is kind of quiet and weird and not super friendly, and they futz around in your personal space for nearly 2 hours, disturbing your work-flow and peace in your typical workday, only to tell you that it would be more costly to do the repair than it would be to replace, and then giving you a large and expensive bill and estimate.

In this case you have two options: 


1. Complain about it. vent. get pissed and write it off as “that’s the way life is! a pain in the ass! it’s just one thing after another!” or blame the person or company, and complain about them (this is probably what you saw and continue to see everyone else in your reality do since you were born, so you’d be in good company!)
2. Ask yourself how this situation is making you feel. What is it bringing up in you? And then once you know what that is, ask yourself what belief you hold that this situation is reflecting? 
Beliefs like… “this situation made me feel like I wasn’t cared about” (because they weren’t friendly), and that “it has to be hard, cause “real life” is just hard that’s the way it is” (because they intruded on your peaceful space and it felt super stressful and jarring), and that “I can never get ahead, I will always get hit with something” (because you were doing fine but then you got this big new bill), or you may even feel like you deserve to get “hit” with this new bill because it feels like some kind of punishment for you not doing or being enough, or not doing life right, or as punishment for something you feel shame or guilt about.
But here’s the thing, we don’t have to go back and unpack all that (though, you can if you want to), it is more vital though in that moment to just WITNESS your reactions and what you are making this situation MEAN about you, and mean about life! When this situation happens what are you making it mean? Because we’re always making it mean something.
So what are you making it mean?? Is that true?
In the above situation, you could just witness: Oh, I am not caring about myself right now, or believing I am cared about and that is being reflected in this man who seems to not care about me. It’s not him, it’s my belief about me, it’s how I am treating me, and I have power over that.
In the above situation, you could just witness:Oh, I’m feeling life is just hard and that is the way it is because yesterday I had someone I care about call me up and go on a huge 2 hour rant about how awful and hopeless everything is, and didn’t want my help or to process it, they just wanted to emotion dump, and that also intruded on my space and made me feel like I don’t get to have my peaceful space too (just like with the repair guy). But that was my choice to do be available for that and allow that, I have power over that, and can change that too, and ask for what I need in that situation too. I was the one not respecting my space in that moment, that’s my job, I have choice there too. I’m responsible for that.
In the above situation, you could just witness:Oh, I am feeling like I can never get ahead and deserve punishment for not doing or being enough in this moment, because the other day I got triggered about my taxes due and felt really guilty and shameful for not having better planned this and done better around this by now, and so now it is showing up in the form of a punishing feeling unexpected expense that I think I deserve that matches that feeling. Plus… growing up I heard the statement “can’t get ahead” constantly, so that makes sense I would still believe that. Maybe I can shift that now. Because actually I DO get ahead, constantly, and all the time. In fact the only reason I am alive and breathing and healthy enough to speak to a repair person is because I am “ahead”, I have air to breathe and ground under my feet and running water and clothes and trees and a bed to sleep in and about a million other things that support my existence. I am the one ignoring my own ahead-ness and how far I have come and how much I am doing and have done that is good, and is growth, even if my mind is saying it is not good enough. But I can bring myself love and compassion, I have power over that.
Once you witness those things, and you see yourself, you reclaim your power and sovereignty in that moment, and you can bring love and compassion to yourself in that moment, and that’s when things shift. But only 100% of the time. 😉 
Or you could just complain.
It would be faster. 😂 and easier it seems, I know! 
I’ve done it, still do it sometimes, so I get it!
But then again, since you didn’t shift the root cause, it will just come back in another form, and if you add up all the energy and time that takes, it takes a freaking lifetime.
And I know you don’t want to be spending your life that way.
Looking in the mirror of life and using that as the gold to shift yourself in the direction that you want can SEEM like it’s too much work to do because it’s not your HABIT of reacting that way, it’s not your HABIT to get curious about those reactions, the habit is to complain and/or vent. And hey, that can be valuable! I am not saying it is not valuable to people.
But to me… the only way to be truly free is to take back my power in every situation by taking responsibility for what I see and finding that place in me that I am seeing in the event, situation or other person, and owning it, by giving myself love and understanding in all those places I didn’t feel loved, safe, or understood in the past. This isn’t about blaming myself, this isn’t about blame at all, it’s just about, “Ohhh, there I am. I see me.” Seeing the innocence in all of us, in yourself and in everyone, how we just don’t know until we know. And then just bringing love and bringing safety and understanding to those wounds where you didn’t have those things in the past, you can bring that to you now.
So, I can shift that now. I can give that to me now. And I DO.
So when you’re wrestling with a business thing, a job thing, a money thing, a relationship thing, a regular everyday life mundane thing, it’s really a deeper need and wound you’re wrestling with, not the external thing that it seems. You’re just working out that inner thing through that outer thing. That wound may be reflecting a place you feel unworthy, a place you haven’t forgiven yourself, a place where you thought you didn’t deserve goodness, or couldn’t have it, or some other wound that was formed long ago. 
Find out what it is and fill it up with unconditional love, and watch your whole life change. I swear, it is such utter magic.


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