If you’re facing some kind of a decision right now, and you just can’t seem to make up your mind, I’ve got a really helpful and simple process to help you get in touch with your own clarity.
I’m gonna skip the chit chat this week and get straight to the point!
You can use this process for business decisions, money decisions, pricing decisions, life direction decisions, family decisions, any kind of decisions, just pick something that’s up for you right now and put it to the test. I first heard this process from Derek Rydall, but I modified it a little and added a question for my own journaling.
Get out a sheet of paper and write at the top the decision you are struggling with, and then below that write down these questions and answer the for yourself:
1. What am I afraid is going to happen if I make this decision?
2. What are people going to think if I make this decision? (to reveal what shadow-sides are at play – so you can embrace that shadow side)
3. What am I afraid is going to happen if I DON’T make this decision?
4. What am I afraid I am going to have to SACRIFICE by making this decision?
5. Am I REALLY going to have to sacrifice that? Or is that just an old wound and/or belief of mine that wants to be released now?
6. What is being cut away, or dying here, in this decision?
That last question might be confusing, but here’s what it means:
A decision is essentially a cutting away of something, so it’s a bit like a little death in a way. Which is why we resist it so much! Here’s a really short example (because believe me, my own journal on these questions was like PAGES so I’ll spare you!) :
So let’s say I’m making a decision about putting some money into something that I think is a good idea, but I’m doubting myself:
1.What I’m afraid is going to happen might be that:
there won’t be more money, there won’t be enough, I should have saved it, spent it elsewhere, and I’ll be a freaking idiot for spending the money.
2.What I’m afraid people are going to think might be that:
I’m a freaking idiot. I’m stupid. I’m naive. I’m reckless. I’m a foolish child. I’m a dreamer. I’m irresponsible, I’m selfish, etc. etc. (then I would go into seeing what are the GIFTS of each of those shadow sides I just listed that I am trying so hard not to be? Such as the gifts of “stupid and naive” are that you don’t know, you don’t pretend to know, and so you try things you might not have tried if you DID know, the gift is being open-minded instead of trained and stuck in a certain mindset or ‘way of thinking’, a lot of successful people have said in interviews: “I was totally naive.. I think that’s actually what led to my success because had I known, I never would have tried to do it that way! I was really determined, some people would see it as reckless but I just knew!”. Being irresponsible’s gift might be you are being responsible to something different than what other people think of you, like say, YOURSELF! Anyway you get the idea, all shadow sides have gifts.
3.What I might be afraid is going to happen if I DON’T make this decision is:
missing out, not listening to my intuition and moving on something that meant something to me, feeling regret or like I let myself down. Not trusting myself when I really wanted to. Or maybe just feeling stuck or disappointed. etc. etc.
4.What I’m afraid I will have to sacrifice by making this decision might be:
looking like I am smart and practical and totally on the ball and perfect and don’t make mistakes (in case it doesn’t go my way) and am a good girl. I will have to sacrifice being the smart good girl who does the right practical thing by everyone else’s standards and so I’ll have to sacrifice peoples approval of me in that way, and my approval of MYSELF. OR I might be just afraid I’ll have to sacrifice my safety and my security!! Or both.
5. Am I really going to have to sacrifice that? Can I know that for sure??
No. It’s just a fear. It’s a belief. It’s a belief in scarcity and that there isn’t enough and won’t be enough and that there won’t always be more money to be made. It’s a belief that I need to be a “good girl” in order to be valuable and loved and that I am not lovable when I follow my own heart – whether I fail or whether I succeed. And for many women it may feel you lose either way! But in reality I have made leaps and decisions before and each time I have been okay. Even if it didn’t play out exactly how I had in mind, I was still okay and I still grew and I still learned and became the next version of me through that learning, it was always moving ahead, even when it looked otherwise.
6. So what is being cut away or dying here in this decision?
My attachment to and holding-on of trust in other people over myself, trust in “the way of the world” over myself, my desires, and my need to be a “good and perfect girl who makes all the good and right decisions”, my need to make sure people think I’m smart and practical and RIGHT and GOOD, at the expense of my own instincts. That is what has to die here. My relying on the ‘external world’ of success vs. failure as an indication of my worth and value – because if I dare to do something that might fail, then I have put more trust in myself than in others validation FINALLY! What also is dying in this decision is my belief that there is a limited supply, and that my abundance comes from other people and is not in fact generated from my own inexhaustible infinite supply and source within – which is not of this world but comes THROUGH this world, etc. etc.
Like I said, my own journal on this is PAGES, but you get the idea.
Once you go through all that, you ask yourself if you still want to make the decision. And if you do, then you do it. You don’t expect the fear to disappear, it will be there, but you will act anyway. And your ACTION is proof of a new level of trust in yourself and a defiance of a “rule” or perhaps many “rules” you have previously lived by.
Once you know what you really want to do vs. what you are doing just to AVOID being seen a certain way (shadows) or to BE SEEN a certain way (as good), then the decision becomes truly your own again. And then it is a truly empowered decision!
You put your trust back in yourself despite your fears, and you move forward with what feels right, even when the fear says “no don’t, the worst will happen! you’ll look like a fool!” That voice will say anything to get you to stay where you are, and not move. It fears the unknown and change is death to it.
Inside all of us is a desperate child who wants to be listened to and taken seriously, who wants their ideas and their heart and their souls callings to be honored. And NOBODY IN THIS WORLD CAN DO THAT FOR YOU.
You are the one.
You are the one to give that to you, and you deserve absolutely nothing less than to experience life in your own trust and sovereignty! And to see the many treasures that it yields!
And as always, if you need help with that, then I invite you to my Feast or Famine No More Course, it’s a beautiful way to build the practice of inviting more money, freedom, success and sovereignty into your life »
xo,
Sunni
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