Do you recognize yourself flip flopping between powerlessness and empowerment?
Between believing yourself to be a creator of your life experience in one moment, and then the next moment feeling like it’s all totally random or predestined and you have no say whatsoever?
Then this article is for you. (And for me, because HELLO humanity.)
Perhaps you don’t know what to really believe? Perhaps you have gone back and forth between knowing you are truly empowered and responsible for creating your reality, and that life is reflecting what you think and believe at all times, and is not judging you for anything at all, and is kind and supportive to all that you desire…
to utter powerlessness and victim consciousness and feeling that while you may create some of your experience, life is really just random and chaotic or in someone/something else’s power and you are at its whim and mercy. And that it wants something for you and FROM YOU that you don’t necessarily want for yourself, because it “knows better” than you. (i.e. seeing “god” as your elders/parents)
And perhaps the truth is you haven’t 100% decided or committed to which way you actually think the world/life is. So you flip-flop between the two of these views.
This is ENTIRELY normal.
Even the most “conscious beings” who believe completely that we create our reality occasionally flip into powerlessness and victimhood when things don’t go as we wanted, because it is “the way of the world” to see and feel that way.
We are absolutely saturated in powerlessness and the idea that “God”/Life/The Universe is like our authority figures growing up. Judging us, wanting better for us, and different for us, thinking we have it too easy, and we want too much, not supporting us, wanting us to buck up, to be more grateful, to not be selfish, etc. etc.
It is our own trauma and woundings that make it SEEM like “god/life” is that way, but that is not “god” or Life, that is the lens you project onto the perceived authority of “god” or the universe, etc. (even if you only believe in science, you will then just project that onto the earth or universe – that we are unworthy spoiled selfish little scumbags trashing existence and we need a good spanking —i.e. earth wiping us out).
Our authority figures had their own authority figures, and all of those authority figures had their own authority figures, and we have been passing down the belief and notion that deep down we are all just really BAD, and UNWORTHY, and rotten at our core and only really here to learn some hard lessons and make up for our innate ugliness and prove we are GOOD, since the beginning of organized religion.
But if it is REALLY and TRULY as simple as “you get who you’re being.” period (as a lot of manifesting teachings point to). And it is really that simple. Then that means we are 100% responsible for BEING the life we want to see and feel.
But the trouble with that view is that like 80-90% of our beliefs are subconscious!!! And those subconscious beliefs are ruling OVER our “conscious” choices and actions all the time! Which means, we have no control over what those subconscious deeper motives are creating, and of COURSE we can’t change our reality when that’s the case! Because they are SUBconscious.
And THAT is why people give up on this idea of reality creation, very quickly.
They give up on the notion they have any power to create their own beautiful and magical lives because they see it is not working out according to their CONSCIOUS intention, and the conscious dreams they have… but they don’t realize that that is only because their SUBconscious is still doing most of the creating.
HOWEVER, that is the ‘healing’ process! That is the awakening of human consciousness that’s happening. It is the gradual bringing of the unconscious and subconscious to the light of the conscious. Because when it is conscious, it can then be changed! But not before then.
When you realize and recognize that you have the power to create your own life, that is the healing/awakening process that is opened up in you. And it begins the process of bringing CONSCIOUSNESS to the unconscious and subconscious programming that you are being driven by and have been driven by, all your life.
But this is, indeed, a PROCESS.
Not a flipping of a light switch. It takes apparent TIME and undoing, de-programming, and re-programming and re-wiring of the conscious mind, body, nervous system, and energetic body.
And it takes a great deal of LOVE and patience, compassion for yourself, and COMMITMENT as you become aware of subconscious drives, and motivations, and subconscious beliefs about yourself, the world, and life itself.
It’s like you’re being completely taken apart and remodeled as an entirely new BEING! And as we all know from tv and movies or personal experience, remodel projects can take awhile and have a few hiccups. 😜 (not that they have to be that way 😉 😉 ✨ )
But there is also the matter of our soul.
Our spirit and soul ALSO has missives that we are not conscious of. Things that it came to experience, learn and feel that our human brains and conscious minds may not be aware of, or able to understand. Like pain, and loss, and death, and grief, and struggle. There are things our soul may be wanting to understand, learn and experience in this life that our conscious minds would never ever choose.
This is why I wrote a chapter in my book about the fact that we have CHOICE, but not control. We do not have power OVER, we have power of intent. We have the power of choice, but then we must learn to trust ourselves and life, and the journey towards that choice.
And we must trust the contrasting experiences that come up – the ones that absolutely do NOT match our intentions for our life – to show us whatever it is we need to see to get there (even if it is just what we TRULY believe, instead of what we WANT to believe, so we can address that deeper belief and turn it around).
Part of not having CONTROL, but having CHOICE, is that you don’t get a say in other soul’s journeys or realities.
Your beloveds in this life are on their own journeys in their own time and way, and they have not come for the same experiences that you have. Their challenges and suffering are not your creation, but they ARE a mirror of your own (perhaps overlooked) beliefs and pains.
When you become CONSCIOUS of that suffering in you, you then have a CHOICE what you want to do with that. And what you want to create instead. But before you were well aware of it, you did not have a choice at all. You just acted, created, felt and responded to life BY DEFAULT.
DEFAULT is the way you’ve learned from your environment. Default is the way the “rest of the world” or the rest of “YOUR world” (your family of origin) would react, respond, feel and/or do.
And let me tell you something… default is easier, unfortunately.
Default is easier in so many ways. Because the pathways are already wired there. It’s so easy to just slip into that groove and to feel powerless, and disappointed, and let down, and like life is just cruel and hard and unfair. And you are so free that you are free to choose it. And it is not wrong to do so, or to see it that way, or experience it that way. It is whatever you see and feel it to be.
Everyone always talks about how “stories are powerful”. And stories ARE powerful!! They are ALL POWERFUL.
The stories we tell ourselves are the realities we experience and create. The stories we tell ourselves and others shape our lives and our experience of our lives. Stories have created entire civilizations and ways of life!
So make sure the stories you are telling are the ones that you want to see and feel.
But like I said, that is not “easy”. It goes against the DEFAULT easy grain that is well grooved and carved in your mind. So it takes conscious intention to choose a different pathway.
That is why I am always saying that your life and circumstances will get easier over time with this, but the “hard” part just then becomes staying WITH YOURSELF when things don’t turn out how you wanted them to at first, and you want to just give up and go back to the default way of thinking, living and believing, because it feels easier and more comforting to feel powerless and like you don’t have a choice or any power to create.
They didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to because there are a LOT of factors at play besides your conscious intent that are influencing that. But if you stay with yourself, you WILL GET THERE to that ESSENCE and feeling place of what you want to create. It might not exactly match your vision in every way, but it will be the experience you called into your life in essence.
That is why I have ALWAYS taught reality creation by way of FEELING rather than by specific details in all of my courses and books. Details can be fun, but the MAIN focus you should always be focusing on is the FEELING place.
Why?? Because we know the gamut of feelings. We know what it is to feel safe, to feel loved, to feel abundant, to feel security, EVEN IF those feelings might have been FLEETING when we experienced them at a certain time in our lives, we KNOW what that feeling IS, regardless of the details of why we felt that way.
But we DON’T know what it is to have lived specific details of life we haven’t yet lived! That is not a “known” experience yet. And to create what we want we have to be able to embody that, and since we know the FEELINGS of that place, and can remember those feelings, it is much more powerful, easy and effective to reach for that FEELING rather than the details we haven’t actually been in yet (like a specific location, place, person, amount of money, success, etc.).
Write all those details down for sure! But feel into the feeling place. And RESPOND to life FROM that feeling place, as if you were someone who already felt that. And you can because you remember how that felt or how that feeling feels.
Sounds so easy and simple, but feels so hard right? That’s because it is! It IS so easy and so simple. And yet it feels really hard because it’s not the DEFAULT way of being, it’s not how you were wired! And it’s not how the world was wired, so it takes some doing and some conscious intent. Which is not physically hard, but FEELS hard.
The paradox is that the default way of responding also feels really hard! (i.e. disappointment, shame, unworthiness, powerlessness, etc. these things don’t feel easy either!) But we’re just more used to it, so it’s more “comfortable”. AND it is far more accepted and “relatable” to be in those feeling places, it is more “human” in our current reality to feel those things, and your subconscious drive is to fit in and belong in humanity so you’ll be loved and feel safe.
So here’s a helpful tip for that: you don’t have to give up those feelings! They served you in feeling “relatable”, and like you belong to humanity, and if you want to keep them for that purpose or any other purpose — or your subconscious does — you can! No big deal!
You don’t have to get rid of anything. Just try transferring those feelings to another area maybe. Let your brain know you’ll still be human and will still be able to complain and be a hot mess and feel normal and like you’re a human even when you’re wealthy and successful doing the work of your heart and soul.
In fact, I am going to leave you with a powerful exercise right now.
So you know how people in the manifesting and intentional life creation space might have you do a “day in the life” writing exercise where you write down what a day looks like in your dream life as a vision to shoot for and feel into??
Well most people (and myself included) are instructed to imagine into the absolute gloriousness of this day, and feel all those good feeling feelings and be all “high vibe” – well I am going to suggest you do the opposite. 😝 In addition, or instead of, or whatever feels right to you. 😜 LOL Well, not the opposite, but the near opposite…
I want you to write or visualize or feel into that day in your dream life, so that it’s a normal day in your dream life, but I want you to imagine in it that you’re actually kind of having a crappy day. 😂 Hear me out!! …
What I mean is, all the things you want, and circumstances you want, are all around you in this vision: you’re effortlessly wealthy and successful, and effortlessly loved and in love, and deeply fulfilled in every way, you’re getting letters from people telling you how much you’ve changed their lives with your work, but you’re in a funk! You’re feeling sad. You’re feeling weepy. You’re feeling like you want to hole up and go back to bed perhaps.
Why am I having you do this? 😂 Because what that does is POWERFULLY demonstrate to your subconscious mind that:
1) You will not and do not have to become a DIFFERENT PERSON than you are now to live your dreams. Nor do you need to erase parts of you.
2) You will still be “human”! And you will still get to have days where you are not “on” all the time. (emotionally or otherwise).
3) You do not have to “get rid of” parts of yourself that are giving you some benefits right now (like being able to turn off, and disappear when you want, and get taken care of around hard feelings – which is something you might crave sometimes).
4) You do not have to become, nor WILL YOU BECOME, some “perfect” being who only feels one way when you are wealthy and successful or loved and in love and deeply fulfilled in your work and your life.
5) It will NORMALIZE and NEUTRALIZE this big vision, into something that feels more real and more like it can contain the YOU that you are right NOW. Which shrinks the distance between you and this dream!
It’s also going to let your mind know that you do not have to feel elated all the time or blissed out all the time to live your dream life! I mean who even really wants that 24/7? It sounds exhausting to me! 😂 🤣 I can’t hold that. I mean if you do want that, more power to you! But it’s just too much for me personally, I mean I need space to be “deep” and dark and/or weepy and deliciously sad sometimes 😂 🤣 , it’s just part of who I am, and maybe that will change and maybe that will evolve, and I’m open to that!
But I need to give myself space to be that IN my dream life, or my subconscious is never gonna let that happen because It would mean I can’t be myself!
So feel into that. Imagine you’re perched at the end of your heated natural stone infinity pool sobbing looking out over the landscape because you had a hard day. Or you’re wrapped in a blanket in your favorite chair in your gorgeous home pouting over something not working out how you wanted it to, or over someone hurting your feelings. Or whatever else helps you imagine into that day as WHO YOU ARE NOW.
Part of my deprogramming over the past few months has been letting myself BE. Instead of perform (in all the ways), and experimenting with letting life meet and hold me even when I am NOT being who I think I need to be to receive that abundance.
And it’s working.
We think our dreams have to come with all these conditions that we actually have subconscious blocks about. Like having to feel blissed out all the time for one! But there are infinite others. When we find out what those blocks are we can work with them by giving them what they want or need in another way maybe…
Like, “it’s okay Sunni, you can still write deep poetry and be weepy and disappear from social media for weeks at a time when you’re super successful and living your dream life. Why on earth not? It’s your life and you get to feel and do and experience and create it any damn way you want to. It may not be someone else’s cup of tea, or someone else’s marketing recommendations, but you can and will find a way to make that work for you, I know you will. Look what you have done so far!”
Tell yourself the stories you want to hear. Tell yourself the stories you want to CREATE. Storytelling is how cultures and societies are MADE, and they are how OUR LIVES ARE MADE, each one of us.
You have the power,
P.S. If this helped you, you can let me know it helped you, or let others know it helped you by sharing it, or you can buy my book, or join one of my courses for more help and support like this at links below 👇