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Often we tell ourselves something’s too simple, or too easy, or we “already know that,” and we go off looking for more complicated and complex answers and solutions because deep down, we actually already KNOW that the simplest things are the truest and the most effective, we already know what we want or need to do, but we’re still in resistance to receiving the solution.
Because we’re not ready for it yet, or because we don’t feel worthy of it yet.
Part of us wants the solution, but a bigger part wants to stay in the problem because it’s the more familiar and KNOWN place to be—and therefore, it feels more SAFE.
We are wired in our nervous systems to seek safety in the familiar, and our brains will always prioritize that safety over what we want.
So to change this, you have to make the unfamiliar FAMILIAR. You have to create an experience of safety around doing or having a different thing.
Once you do that, and you see that it CAN be done. You then have a new expanded experience of what is safe for you to be, do, or have. And that new experience begins to become your new NORMAL.
So how do you create an experience of safety around doing or having a different thing then?
1. You set your intention to do so.
For example, you may believe and have been taught all your life that you can either have freedom and fun (like time off and vacation), OR you can have money (save & invest instead). The either/or of that felt safe and allowed. You’ve seen it done, right? You believed you could have the relaxation, fun, and freedom OR you could have or save more money, but not both. So something different to this might be to set the intention that: “I spend and have freedom, and fun, AND I save and invest.” (not OR). The “or” goes bye-bye and gets replaced with an “and.” This might seem simple and really obvious to you, but these are the things that so often get overlooked when we have this subconscious “OR” like you don’t get to save that money AND take time off at the same time. It’s like that possibility doesn’t even EXIST for us—until it does. And how we create that possibility is by simply intending it in the first place.
2. You take any big or small action towards that intention that you can, as often as you can.
For example: in this case, with the above example, that might look like you book that vacation and take that time off, AND you set up an automatic savings withdrawal that deposits something in your savings at the same time. Your mind might say, “I don’t have enough to do that though!” but if you are committed, you will find a way, and you can start really small with this. So for one person, that could look like literally taking a few hours off, or taking a Monday off, and going to do something that feels fun for them, and then depositing $5 in their savings for doing that on that same day. Or it could look like multi-week trips that cost multiples thousands of dollars that you both spend AND save. It doesn’t matter. In either case, you are now experiencing a new reality where you can have fun AND save at the same time. Even if it was just $1.00 you put away, it would be a powerful thing and a powerful message you are sending to yourself with that action. Because it’s an energetic and symbolic gesture that shifts your lived experience to, “I get to save AND have fun and pleasure and freedom,” and over time, those actions completely shift your reality.
3. You move through any and all resistance, feelings, breakdowns, and freak-outs that happen in the process until you breakTHROUGH to your new level and new reality.
Changing old patterns and creating new ones brings up your stuff! It’s okay, and it’s NORMAL. Get support from people who are doing that too so that it begins to normalize the NEW for you, instead of repeating and reinforcing the same old patterns and knowns. If you are surrounded by people who believe that they can either save OR have fun, that they can EITHER have pleasure OR save… if you don’t have anyone in your world who also believes that you can have and do BOTH, it’s going to be a lot harder for you to make that your new normal because we are wired for belonging and safety, so if our new belief threatens the safety of our belonging, we will override it and go back to our old ways every time.
The truth is that the journey from where you are to where you want to be in your life is a healing journey of your heart and soul, and you deserve to receive the immense fruits of that goodness, no matter how temporarily painful it can sometimes be to move through that discomfort to new levels of joy and abundance in your life.
That does not mean it HAS to be painful or is GOING to be painful, but if and when you are experiencing those painful hard times, know that that is a normal part of the process of expanding your container and your edges, in all the ways.
And if you’d like some help with that, I’m your girl: 😉✨